Dramatis Personae
Jacob - head Shepherd
Nathan - Shepherd
Caleb - Apprentice Shepherd
"Eddie" - Angel of the Lord
Host of Angels - Choir and Musicians
Time: 1AD (around 2am)
Scene: A Shepherd camp in a pasture near Bethlehem (the one in Israel, not the one in Pennsylvania). Two shepherds are sitting around a fire.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. [Luke 2:8]
NATHAN: Damn, it is cold.
CALEB: Yeah.
NATHAN: I need something to warm me up. Is there anymore wine left?
CALEB: Yeah.
NATHAN: Let me have some.
CALEB: We're suppose to be watching the sheep.
NATHAN: So?
CALEB: Jacob don't like us drinking when we're watching the sheep
NATHAN: Yeah? Well Jacob is sound asleep in the tent. He ain't going to know unless someone tells him.
CALEB: I ain't no snitch.
NATHAN: Then pass over that wine.
CALEB: I don't think we should be drinking. We need to be alert.
NATHAN: Alert for what?
CALEB: What if a wolf shows up?
NATHAN: There ain't no wolves around here.
CALEB: Or a coyote.
NATHAN: A coyote?
CALEB: Yeah.
NATHAN: There can't be coyotes around here. Coyotes are only found in the new world, and the new world won't be discovered for another 1500 years.
CALEB: Really?
NATHAN: Really. Now hand over the wine.
[Caleb removes a wineskin from the bag and hands it to Nathan, who takes a drink. He hands the wine back to Caleb, who starts to drink then suddenly stops and looks around.]
CALEB: What was that?
NATHAN: What was what?
CALEB: I heard a noise.
NATHAN: It was probably just the wind.
CALEB: Maybe.
[Caleb starts to take a drink, then stops again.]
CALEB: There! Did you here that?
NATHAN: Hear what?
CALEB: That noise. It might be a wild animal
NATHAN: I don't hear nothing.
CALEB: It's a bear! Can't you hear it?
NATHAN: That's not a bear. That's Jacob snoring.
CALEB: It coming from out in the pasture. There is something out there.
NATHAN: There's nothing out there but sheep.
CALEB: There might be a wild animal...
NATHAN: Caleb, I'm telling you. There is nothing... Wait a minute.
CALEB: What?
NATHAN: I heard something.
CALEB: I told you!
NATHAN: It's coming this way.
CALEB: It's a wolf!
NATHAN: I told you, there are no wolves around here.
CALEB: It's a coyote!!!
NATHAN: It is not!
CALEB: Maybe it's a lion
NATHAN: Will you stop with the animals?
CALEB: It's coming into the camp!
[Nathan and Caleb stand up, both of them brandishing shepherd crooks.]
NATHAN: Halt!
CALEB: Who goes there?
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. [Luke2 :9]
[Enter: ANGEL of the Lord]
ANGEL: Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
NATHAN: Who are you?
ANGEL: I am the angel of the Lord. I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall...
NATHAN: Wait a minute. You're an angel?
ANGEL: Verily, I am.
NATHAN: Can you prove that? Do you have ID or something?
ANGEL: Well, no, but...
CALEB: Where are your wings?
ANGEL: My what?
CALEB: Wings. Angels have wings.
ANGEL: Actually they don't.
CALEB: They don't?
ANGEL: No.
CALEB: That's what they told us in Sabbath school.
ANGEL: They told you wrong.
NATHAN: So, if you are an angel, why are you here?
ANGEL: I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
NATHAN: Good tidings?
ANGEL: Good tidings indeed. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.
CALEB: Why is he talking like that?
NATHAN: I don't know. Maybe that's how angel's talk.ANGEL: And this shall be a sign unto you...
NATHAN: Wait a minute. I'm not saying you're lying, but how do we know you are telling the truth?
CALEB: Yeah.
NATHAN: Can you prove your an angel?
CALEB: Yeah. Prove it.
ANGEL: Prove it?
NATHAN: Yeah. Do something that shows us your legit.
CALEB: Yeah. Show us something angelic.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. [Luke 2:13-14]
CALEB: Holy @#$%!!!
NATHAN: Who are all these people?
ANGEL: This is the multitude of the heavenly host. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
NATHAN: Yeah? Well your multitude just scared the @#$% out of our sheep.
CALEB: They scared the @#$% out of me!
NATHAN: It will takes us all night to round them all up
CALEB: They're everywhere.
JACOB: [From inside the tent] What's going on out there???
CALEB: Now we're in trouble.
[Enter: JACOB]
JACOB: What's going on out here? [Looking at the ANGEL] Who is this man?
NATHAN: He says he is the angel of the Lord.
JACOB: Which lord?
NATHAN: THE Lord.
JACOB: You mean God?
NATHAN: Yeah.
JACOB: Why is he here?
NATHAN: He says he has a message
JACOB: From God?
NATHAN: I think so.
ANGEL: I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
JACOB: Why is he talking like that?
NATHAN: I don't know
CALEB: Maybe that's how angels talk.ANGEL: For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
NATHAN: City of David?
CALEB: Where's that?
JACOB: He probably means Jerusalem.ANGEL: Nay. I meaneth Bethlehem.
CALEB: Bethlehem??
NATHAN: The Messiah is in Bethlehem?JACOB: Why is the Messiah in Bethlehem?
ANGEL: It was prophesized in in the book of Micah: "But thou, Bethlehem, though thou be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of thee shall he come forth unto me that is the ruler in Israel, whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting." [Micah 5:2]
NATHAN: Little is a good description of Bethlehem.
CALEB: They don't get littlier than that.[JACOB looks around]
JACOB: Hey! Wait a minute. Where are all the sheep?
NATHAN: They ran off.
JACOB: What??
CALEB: It wasn't our fault Jake.
NATHAN: It was his fault
JACOB: Who's fault?
NATHAN: His. The angel of the Lord. While he was telling us about the Messiah and the city of David, a bunch of those angel fellows showed up and started singing and playing music...
CALEB: There were a lot of them.NATHAN: ..and it scared the @#$% out of the sheep...
CALEB: It scared the @#$% out of meNATHAN: ...and the sheep scattered.
JACOB: OK, let me get this straight. This guy shows up, says he's an angel, then more angels showed up and scared the sheep?
NATHAN: That's right
CALEB: It's true!
[JACOB turns and glares at the angel]
JACOB: Look, uh... What is your name?
ANGEL: I am the angel of the Lord.
JACOB: Do you have a real name?
ANGEL: It's Eddie.
NATHAN: Eddie??
CALEB: What kind of name for an angel is that?JACOB: Look, Eddie. You can't just come in and scare off my flock.
ANGEL: I bring you good tidings of great joy...
JABOB: Yeah, yeah. So you are the angel of the Lord?
ANGEL: Verily.
JACOB: Show me an I.D.
ANGEL: I.D.?
NATHAN: We asked him that.
CALEB: He ain't got ID.JACOB: Well, I need something to prove your really an angel of the Lord.
CALEB: Uh-oh.And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
JACOB: Holy @#$%!!!
NATHAN: That's what I said.JACOB: No wonder the sheep ran off. That must have scared the @#$% out of them.
CALEB: It scared the @#$% out of me!NATHAN: What do you think, Jake? Is he legit?
JACOB: He might be. That was a pretty good trick.
CALEB: Maybe we should go check it out, just to see if it's true or not.
JACOB: Good Idea. Hey, Eddie, how do we find the Messiah?
ANGEL: And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
JACOB: Babe?
NATHAN: Swaddling clothes?
CALEB: What are swaddling clothes?
NATHAN: Diapers.JACOB: The messiah is a baby?
ANGEL: Verily.
CALEB: What does "verily" mean?
NATHAN: It means "true."JACOB: How is a baby suppose to help?
NATHAN: He is a baby.
CALEB: In swaddling clothes.JACOB: How can a baby do anything.
ANGEL: He will increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.
NATHAN: And then he will save us rom the Romans?
ANGEL: The Savior is not her to help you against the Romans.
JACOB: Then why is he here?
ANGEL: To save mankind from sin.
JACOB: [Contemplating] Well, I suppose that is important too.
NATHAN: What about it, Jake. Do you think its true?
JACOB: Well, it seems a bit odd. Especially the babe in a manger part.
CALEB: In swaddling clothes.JACOB: But Eddie here seems to be telling the truth.
NATHAN: Maybe we should go to Bethlehem, and see for ourselves.
JACOB: Good idea. So Eddie, you're sure the Messiah is in Bethlehem? Not Jerusalem?
ANGEL: Bethlehem.
JOSIAH: Well, come on then, let's go into Bethlehem and find the Messiah so we can adore him.
CALEB: Adore him?
NATHAN: He means go check him out.ANGEL: I Shall leadeth the way
JACOB: Not so fast. You're not going anywhere. You and your angel buddies are going to round up all the sheep that you scattered. And no music!
NATHAN: It scares the @#$% out of the sheep.
CALEB: It scares the @#$% out of me.ANGEL: But...
JACOB: No buts! You're the reason the sheep scattered, so you can round them up while we go to Bethlehem.
ANGEL: But...
JACOB: Look, pal. Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry. Now start collecting sheep!
ANGEL: Yes, sir.
JACOB: OK, let's go.
CALEB: Hey, Jake. If this really is the Messiah, we should bring him a present.
JACOB: Good idea.
NATHAN: Where do we get presents at this time of night?
JACOB: There's a convenience store on the main street thats open 24 hours.
NATHAN: Convenience store? What kind of presents can you get there?
JACOB: They got disposable diapers.
NATHAN: Diapers? What kind of a gift is that?
JACOB: Well, the angel did say the Messiah was a baby.
NATHAN: Good point.
JACOB: And they got cigars
CALEB: For a baby?
JACOB: Not for a baby you schdimwit. For the father, uh... what's his name??
ANGEL: Joseph
JACOB: What about the mother? What can we get her?
CALEB: I know. Chocolate!
JACOB: Oh, yeah. If there is something women like, it's chocolate.
[Exit: Shepherds]
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