FREEDOM: Pick up some bacon.
ME: Anything else?
MACKY: More bacon.
ME: Anything else besides bacon?
SARAH: Pick up some scratch tickets.
I mentioned in a previous blog entry that me and my dogs play the lottery.
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Coulrophobia and other
fears will be covered in
a future blog entry.
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ME:P Which ones?
SARAH: Any of the $1 is OK, except Money Madness - they haven't been paying good for me.
ME: OK
SARAH: And no Clowning Around.
ME: Those not been paying good either?
According to Wikipedia:
The first recorded signs of a lottery are keno slips from the Chinese Han Dynasty between 205 and 187 BC. These lotteries are believed to have helped to finance major government projects like the Great Wall of China. From the Chinese "The Book of Songs" (2nd millennium BC.) comes a reference to a game of chance as "the drawing of wood", which in context appears to describe the drawing of lots. From the Celtic era, the Cornish words "teulel pren" translates into "to throw wood" and means "to draw lots". The Iliad of Homer refers to lots being placed into Agamemnon's helmet to determine who would fight Hector.
The first recorded signs of a lottery are keno slips from the Chinese Han Dynasty between 205 and 187 BC. These lotteries are believed to have helped to finance major government projects like the Great Wall of China. From the Chinese "The Book of Songs" (2nd millennium BC.) comes a reference to a game of chance as "the drawing of wood", which in context appears to describe the drawing of lots. From the Celtic era, the Cornish words "teulel pren" translates into "to throw wood" and means "to draw lots". The Iliad of Homer refers to lots being placed into Agamemnon's helmet to determine who would fight Hector.
The first known European lotteries were held during the Roman Empire, mainly as an amusement at dinner parties. Each guest would receive a ticket, and prizes would often consist of fancy items such as dinnerware. Every ticket holder would be assured of winning something. This type of lottery, however, was no more than the distribution of gifts by wealthy noblemen during the Saturnalian revelries. The earliest records of a lottery offering tickets for sale is the lottery organized by Roman Emperor Augustus Caesar. The funds were for repairs in the City of Rome, and the winners were given prizes in the form of articles of unequal value.
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So, if we don't expect to win, why do we play?
For the fantasy aspect.Purchasing a lottery ticket allows us to fantasize about what we would do if we actually did win a big jackpot.
Our current plan is to by a RV and see the country, starting with the Redwoods in California. Or move to the Caribbean to become pirates. We haven't finalized out plans just yet.So, you may ask, couldn't we still do that without wasting a dollar on a lottery ticket?
We could, but it wouldn't be the same without the possibility (however remote) of winning. And the odds are significantly better if you buy a ticket.
Let me tell you a story:
There was a minister who presided over a poor but honest congregation in a small Midwestern town. The church building, originally erected in 1821 was in need of much repair, but (sadly) there just wasn't any money to make the repairs.
So he prayed on it.And what he prayed for was for God to let him win the lottery, so he would have the money to make the badly needed repairs to the church. And he continued to pray on it week after week, and week after week, he did not win the lottery. Finally, in exasperation, he fell to his knees and cried out "Lord! Why do you not answer my prayers? I am not asking to win the money for myself, but for the church. Your church. "
There suddenly came a rumbling, thunderous, and a voice from above spoke:
"My son, you must work with me. You have to buy a lottery ticket first." |
A lot of people in my family play lottery. My Uncle Dave, however, doesn't. He is mistrustful of lotteries. According to him, the last time he "played" a lottery, he got sent to Vietnam.For those of you who didn't understand, it was a reference to the military draft.Neither does my cousin Clara. Being a Baptist, Clara disapproves of gambling.
And a lot of other "immoral" entertainments.But she does play Bingo, (another lottery-type game).
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So if gambling is OK to raise
money for the church, what about other "immoral" forms of entertainment? |
Cousin Clara won't play cards (even for fun) but goes to "church" Bingo religiously (pun intended) every Wednesday night. Apparently gambling isn't immoral, as long as the church benefits. Although gambling is a sin according to Baptists (and a few other denominations), playing Bingo for money is allowed if it is sponsored by the church. Clara would condemn gambling (and other so called vices), but would proudly announce how much she won on Wednesday Night Bingo at the church. I guess as long as the church is the one profiting, its OK?
Jesus had a word for this, I think... What was it? Oh, yeah: hypocrisy!
Lottery is mentioned in the Bible:
And they crucified him, and parted his garments, casting lots: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, They parted my garments among them, and upon my vesture did they cast lots. (Matthew 27:35)
Other reference to lots can be found in the bible.
There is no reference to Bingo in the Bible.
Chances are, Jesus would not have approved of church sponsored bingo. He was not pleased with money changers in the temple, so I doubt he would have tolerated Bingo.
And can you really envision Mary going to Bingo once a week?
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Me and my dogs will be playing Bingo on New Years Eve.A couple of years back, we stayed up until midnight New Years, eating dog treats and watching Time Square on TV. When midnight came, I blew a horn and said "Happy New Years!" The dogs watched at me as I sang Auld Lang Syne (They didn't know the words, so they couldn't sing along) and when I finished, Freedom, (my oldest dog) ask "Now what?"
Sarah, my female, snorted and walked off, mumbling "I can't believe I stayed up for this."
After this, we took a different course. Instead of staying up until midnight, we only stay up until 9pm.
Why 9pm?Because we live on the west coast, and we watch Time Square on an internet feed - Midnight there is 9pm here.
Hey, it's New Years somewhere.This way, we can go to bed at a reasonable hour, because we need to get up early in order to watch the Tournament of Roses Parade.
My dog's like parades.
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| Oh there ain't no bugs on me. Oh there ain't no bugs on me. There may be bugs on some of you mugs. But there ain't no bugs on me. |
I mentioned in an previous blog that me and my Canines do family nights from time to time. In addition to movie night, we also have game night (which I will cover that in more depth in a future blog entry) and one of the games we play is Bingo.
Awhile back, I found a home Bingo game at a flea market. I thought the dogs might enjoy that. They like games. They don't like flea markets.
My dogs will not go to the flea market with me.
They are suspicious of the term "flea" market. I have tried to assure them that they do not sell fleas there, but they don't want to risk being contaminated.
Being dogs, they just don't want fleas.
So I bought the game, and brought it home with me. Macky noticed the box in my hand and asked what it was. I told him it was a Bingo set. (I didn't tell him I bought it at the "flea" market - no point upsetting him.)
MACKY: Hey, I know Bingo!
ME: You do?
MACKY: Yeah!
He then stood up on his hind legs and started singing while doing a little dog dance.
There was a farmer had a dog,
And Bingo was his name-o.
(clap)-(clap)-(clap)-(clap)-(clap)
(clap)-(clap)-(clap)-(clap)-(clap)
(clap)-(clap)-(clap)-(clap)-(clap)
And Bingo was his name-o.
And Bingo was his name-o.
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| If you are truly unfamiliar with Bingo and how it is played, click here.) |
Most of us at least know what Bingo is, and the basics of play. Many of us were exposed to it grade school, like in Mrs. Frothingslosh second grade class. I'm not sure what we were suppose to learn from playing Bingo, but we were obedient children and listened as she called out the numbers (B-7, G-55, I-22, etc.) until someone got five in a row and called out Bingo! (followed by grumbling from the rest of the class). After having his or her card checked by Mrs. Frothingslosh, he or she would receive a prize, usually a piece of cheap candy.
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| Typical Bingo Card |
Bingo is a game of chance played with randomly drawn numbers which players match against numbers on their card(s). The matrices may be printed on paper, card stock or electronically represented and are referred to as cards. Many versions conclude the game when the first person achieves a specified pattern from the drawn numbers. The winner is usually required to call out the word "Bingo!", which alerts the other players and caller of a win.
In the Bingo halls, there is usually more to calling Bingo than just 5 in a row. Usually there are patterns with cutsie names like "lucky clover" and "the kite" and the first person to forn the prescribed pattern on his or her card wins.
Alternative methods of play try to increase participation by creating excitement. Since its invention in 1929, modern Bingo has evolved into multiple variations, with each jurisdiction's gambling laws regulating how the game is played. There are also nearly unlimited patterns that may be specified for play. Some games require only one number to be matched, while cover-all games award the jackpot for covering an entire card. There are even games that award prizes to players for matching no numbers or achieving no pattern.
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| The Friend |
We (myself and a few other friends) wanted to go drinking.The friends was adamant about wanting to go Bingo (we never completely understood why). We were equally adamant about going drinking.
The compromise was that we would go drinking after Bingo.So we went to the local bingo hall.
The first thing you notice upon entering the Bingo hall is that the clientele is primarily elderly ladies, and rednecks. And elderly rednecks.
We paid our price of admission, and were give a stack of assorted Bingo cards (actually paper). We then went to the concession stand and purchased drinks (non-alcoholic), munchies, and Bingo daubers (a necessity to play), and then found a spot at one of the tables and set up as best we could. We weren't exactly sure of how to play, but we were seated next to an elderly grandmother-type who was quite helpful and explained exactly what we needed to do during each of the games.
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| @#$%!!! |
I kid you not. These elderly matrons, who no doubt were baking cookies that afternoon were swearing like sailors. Worse, like rappers. I was shocked by there language, and I was in the miliary! There lady who was sitting across from me, who looked as old as yoda, dropped an F-bomb that reverberated in the Bingo hall and lingered in the air for several minutes.
I kid you not. When I recovered from the shock of granny's expletive, I asked her "Do you kiss your grandchildren with that mouth?"These old ladies are ruthless. They do not like to lose.
I used to drive by the Bingo hall and see the rent-a-cop walking in front, and I always thought he was there to keep the place from being robbed. Now I realize he's there to make sure the winners make it to their cars without getting beat-up by the losers.We played through the series of games, after which we proceeded out of the Bingo hall in order to go drinking.
And, in case you are wondering, I won $200 that night.
And the nice rent-a-cop escorted me, and my winnings, to my car after Lady F-Bomb threatened to beat the @#$% out of me.
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| Angry Seniors at Bingo Night. |
Bingo is good recreation for elderly rednecks, or the elderly in general. Many of them are afflicted with arthritis or rheumatism, but despite their shriveled hands they can still play, because the Bingo dauber is designed to fit right into their gnarled, curled fingers.
And you wouldn't know that they had arthritis the way they play Bingo. There was one old lady I saw who came into the Bingo hall very slowly, using a walker. She bought quite a bit of extra tickets, about a dozen, and had them laid out in front of her. And for being a slow and arthritic, that grandma had no problem keeping pace with the caller. Her little wrinkled arm became a blur as she stamped all of her cards.
I was having a problem with the three I had.
 My dogs enjoy playing Bingo. The first evening we set up in the living room on the coffee table. Each of the dogs got a card and a ink pad.We had to make an adaption to accommodate the dogs: 
I was the caller. We played the simple version of Bingo (like in Mrs. Frothingslosh class) where all you had to do is get five in a row. The prize was a dog treat. The first dog to get 5 in a row got a treat...And unlike the grandmas, the others did not turn nasty when they lost.
They enjoyed Bingo, especially stomping on the Bingo cards. They said we could do this again on another family night, especially if they could stomp the Bingo cards (they liked that part).
And when we were done, they got their paws cleaned off with a wet wipe.
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Troll dolls were originally created in 1959 by Danish
fisherman and woodcutter Thomas Dam. Dam could not
afford a Christmas gift for his young daughter Lila and
carved the doll from his imagination. When other children
in the Danish town of Gjøl saw the troll doll, they wanted
one as well. Dam's company Dam Things began producing
the dolls in plastic under the name Good Luck Trolls. The
dolls became popular in several European countries during
the early 1960s, shortly before they were introduced in the
United States. They became one of the United States'
biggest toy fads from the autumn of 1963 through 1965.
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One might assume from observation that good luck charms are as essential as Bingo daubers, but this is not the case. Good luck charms are not an essential for Bingo play, but they are (apparently) an essential part of the Bingo experience, judging from the plethora of talismans and amulets and other juju present at the player tables.
There were numerous rabbit foots, lucky clovers, and other pieces of luck. There was also a lot of small photos in frames, presumably family members (children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren) of the Bingo players. I saw assorted Beanie Bears
And Good Luck Trolls.
And I never noticed, until I went to Bingo, just how much some old ladies look like Good Luck Trolls.
In the US, the game is primarily staged by churches or charity organizations. Their legality and stakes vary by state regulation. In some states, Bingo halls are rented out to sponsoring organizations, and such halls often run games almost every day. Church-run games, however, are normally weekly affairs held on the church premises. These games are usually played for modest stakes, although the final game of a session is frequently a coverall game that offers a larger jackpot prize for winning within a certain quantity of numbers called, and a progressive jackpot is one that may increase per session until it is won.
And someone yells Bingo!!!
And 2-3 dozen old ladies start swearing.
There are some other variations to the basic (and advanced) form of bingo, some of which include:
Buzzword Bingo also known as bullshit bingo, is a bingo-style game where participants prepare bingo cards with buzzwords and tick them off when they are uttered during an event, such as a meeting or speech. The goal of the game is to tick off a predetermined number of words in a row and then yell "Bingo!" (or "Bullshit!").
I used to work at Wal*Mart, and I mentioned this game to a co-worker. A short time later, the general manager came around to our section of the story. She needed to "touch base" with everybody in order to "stay in the loop" and "etc." and "etc."
My co-worker began to giggle, then could not stop laughing, and eventually had to excuse herself under the excuse of "needing to powder her nose."
Cow Patty Bingo, also known as Cow Pie Bingo or Bovine Bingo, is a fundraising favorite at village fetes the world over. An enclosed area in a field is marked off into a grid of squares. Each square is given a number. People buy a square. When enough of the squares are sold a cow or other farm animal is allowed onto the field. Spectators wait "with bated breath" until the cow splats. The owner of the square that receives the first dollop wins.
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I did find an article where a person used
Puppy Poo Bingo to let his new dog
name himself.
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FREEDOM: Do they have Dog Doo Bingo?
MACKY: Yeah! Me and Freedom could be callers!
SARAH: That is just gross.
ME: Yeah? Well how about this one:
Roadkill Bingo is a game in which the pictures of 24 different animals are placed randomly in a grid, printed on paper or cardboard. The game is traditionally played in vehicles during long distance travel. When a dead specimen of one of these animals is spotted by a player, that square in the grid is marked off with either a Bingo blotter or some other writing instrument. Small poker like chips may be used to designate spotted dead animals, however the jarring due to bumps in the road make this a less viable option. Only the first person to spot the roadkill is entitled to mark off the corresponding picture. As in regular Bingo, the object of the game is to spot a sequence of five dead animals which are in the same row or column on the Bingo card, after which the person yells "Bingo!!!"
SARAH: That is wrong, on several levels.
 So as I am writing this, my dogs are preparing for our New Years party. Macky Rae is currently in the kitchen microwaving some popcorn. Freedom is printing up Bingo cards.Last year, Macky Rae printed up the cards, and this did not work out so well. On the first game, all three dogs called Bingo! at the same time. Yes, he printed up several copies of the exact same Bingo card. So this year (not that he would repeat the same mistake, but just to be safe) we assigned Macky Rae popcorn duty.  And we have our party spread on - meats, cheeses, and crackers from Hickory Farms (of Ohio). Sarah is preparing the platter.And (of course) dog treats.And I will make up a batch of my holiday eggnog. And at 9pm (12 midnight EST) we will count down... Five - Four - Three - Two -One - Bingo!!!...sing Auld Lang Syne. I taught the dogs the words, so they will try to sing it with me this year. |
MACKY: Hey, Dad. What is an Auld Lang Syne?
A good question.
MACKY: I know, that's why I asked it.
Auld Lang Syne is a Scots poem written by Robert Burns in 1788 and set to the tune of a traditional folk song. It is well known in many countries, especially in the English-speaking world, its traditional use being to bid farewell to the old year at the stroke of midnight. By extension, it is also sung at funerals, graduations and as a farewell or ending to other occasions. The song's title may be translated into English literally as "old long since", or more idiomatically, "long long ago", "days gone by" or "old times". Consequently "For auld lang syne", as it appears in the first line of the chorus, might be loosely translated as "for (the sake of) old times".
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"Auld Lang Syne" is traditionally sung at the conclusion of New Year gatherings in Scotland and around the world, especially in English-speaking countries.
MACKY: What do they sing in non-English speaking countries?
I don't know.
To friends, family, and loyal readers:
Have a Happy and Prosperous New Years
