My dogs sometimes say very funny things.
The following is a selection of conversations from my dogs:
General Tso's Chicken
While sharing an order of Chinese food:
FREEDOM: This is tasty. What is it?ME: General Tso's Chicken
MACKY: Why are we eating someone else's food?
ME: We're not. This is our food.
MACKY: But you said it was General Tso's chicken.
ME: That's just what it's called.
MACKY: Why is that?
ME: I don't know. Maybe General Tso was the one who invented it.
SARAH: Seriously? Are we expected to believe that a General has time to cook chicken for his soldiers?
FREEDOM: Maybe he just cooked chicken for the officers.
SARAH: Generals don't cook chicken!
MACKY: Colonel's do.
ME: They do?
MACKY: One does at KFC. Ever heard of Colonel Sanders?
ME: He wasn't a real colonel.
FREEDOM: So, you think maybe General Tso wasn't a real General?
MACKY: Maybe General Tso's was just the name of a fast food restaurant in ancient China.FREEDOM: Do they have fast food in China?
MACKY: They have fast food everywhere.
FREEDOM: Did they have fast food back then?
MACKY: I bet you they did!
FREEDOM: Do you think they had Taco Bell?
MACKY: Of course not. That is Mexican food.
FREEDOM: Oh, right.
SARAH: You guys are stupid.
Wake me up, when October ends.
MACKY: Dad! Quick, come outside.
I set my coffee down and go outside to see what he was excited about.
ME: What's wrong?
MACKY: Someone has poisoned our trees!
ME: What makes you think that?
MACKY: Look at them! All the leaves are turning brown and falling off.
ME: That's because it's autumn.
MACKY: Their dieing!
ME: No they're not.
MACKY: I bet it was that stupid cat across the street. He is evil.
ME: How do you know this?
MACKY: All cats are evil!
Faster than a speeding Greyhound
After noticing Macky Rae playing outside:ME: What is Macky wearing a a dish towel around his neck?
FREEDOM: That's his cape.
ME: Why is he wearing a cape?
FREEDOM: So he can fly, like Underdog.
ME: He thinks if he wears a cape, he can fly?
FREEDOM: Yeah.
ME: Why does he believe that?
FREEDOM: Sarah told him.
The sound of a crash, followed by Macky yelping.SARAH: Dad! Come quick! Macky just jumped of the porch, and now he is stuck in the rose bush!
Answering to a higher power
After giving the dogs each a hot dog:MACKY: Do you know what Sarah told me?
ME: No, what did she tell you?
MACKY: She told me that hot dogs are made from the icky part of animals, but I did not believe her. Do you know why?
ME: No, why didn't you.
MACKY: Because she ate her hot dog. If it really was made of icky parts, why did she eat hers.
ME: You are a very clever dog. Did she say what "Icky parts" were?
MACKY: She said it was lips and [censored].
Not to self: Talk to Sarah about appropriate vocabulary, especially around Macky Rae.MACKY: I think she was just trying to be tricky. She just wanted to eat my hot dog too.
ME: Well, don't worry, because I only buy good hot dogs.
 |
| Kosher dogs |
MACKY: I only like good hot dogs. What kind do you buy?
ME: Hebrew National. They're kosher.
MACKY: What does kosher mean?
ME: It means they don't contain "icky parts."
MACKY: That is good.
ME: Their motto is "No ifs, ands, or buts."
MACKY: Good, because I do not want to eat butts.
Every Parent's Nightmare
At 3am:
MACKY: Dad. Sorry to wake you.
Do we own a fire extinguisher?
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