Gambling with Dogs

In a previous blog entry,  I

mentioned that me and my

dogs like to play the lottery.

If you missed it, it is archived

as Lottery Tickets, Giant

Redwoods, and Pirates (click

here to read it).

Today's blog is on gambling.

I play the lottery, along with my dogs. The payoff, as I mentioned in a previous blog is only 60%, but it is a convenient game to play (available at most grocery and convenience stores) and, since the profits go primarily for education, every time you lose, some kid gets a text book.

Now if we could only come up with a sure fire way to get the brat to read it.

And I have been know to visit one of the local mini-casino, primarily to play Blackjack, although I have tried almost every available game at least once (the exception in Casino War, perhaps the most stupid casino game ever offered.). I've been to Reservation Casinos as well, and a few visits to bingo parlors (which I will cover in a future blog entry).



Nevada is also the only place

providing legal prostitution

(but not in Las Vegas or Reno,

that would too much fun in one

place, I guess).

For the longest time, Nevada was about the only place in the United States that provided legal gambling (primarily Las Vegas and Reno) on any significant scale. Atlantic city followed in 1987.

Then came the Indians.

The history of  Native American Gaming goes back to the1800s, when the white man was  "acquiring" land, formerly inhabited by Native Americans. The Natives were force on less than desirable land called reservations, and then the government legitimized the acquisitions by signing "treaties" with the Natives.

By "acquiring" I mean the Cavalry rode in and evicted them.

The Natives were "relocated" to reservations, which was land that the white man didn't have much need for.

By "relocated" I mean the Cavalry followed behind with loaded rifles.

The Government then legitimized the acquisitions by signing "Treaties" with the tribes. The natives were "encouraged" to sign as well.

By "encourage" I mean the Cavalry was standing nearby with loaded rifles.

The treaties (no doubt written in a melange of Legalese and Latin) varied from tribe to tribe regarding specifics, but all confirmed (in theory) sovereignty to the individual Nations regarding tribal law..

In short: State law did not apply to the reservations.
Tribes could make there own laws. In theory.

The years pass, and the promises of the white man were mostly found to be as worthless as the paper (treaty) they were written on.

Johnny Clever-as-Weasels

Enter: Johnny Clever-as-Weasels.



Johnny came up with an idea, which he presented to the tribal council: If the reservation was indeed not subject to state law, could they not set up gambling on the reservation? The elders were skeptical, but Johnny was insistent (and persuasive). "Build it" he said "And they (the white man) will come."

And bring their money.

The Cabazon Band of Mission Indians, near Indio, California,  turned to casino operations, opening bingo and poker halls in 1980.

The Sheriff arrived moments after their opening and shut them down.

The Cavalry was unavailable, so the posse was called, and as the Indians were protesting the deputies were arresting.

The tribal elders asked Johnny Clever-as-Weasels if he had any other bright ideas.

He did.

Robert TwoSharks,
attorney-at-law

Enter: Robert TwoSharks, attorney-at-law.

The Cabazon Band sued in federal court (California v. Cabazon Band). The arguments were much lengthier, but summarized they went something like this:

INDIANS: White man's treaty say reservation not subject to state law.

CALIFORNIA: This doesn't mean they can run gambling.

COURTS: Yes, it does. 

The Supreme Court confirmed the ruling. The white man got scalped with his own treaty.

Faster than a jackrabbit on a date, Bingo halls, Poker rooms, and eventually Casinos sprang up on reservations across the country. And as Johnny predicted, they came.

Johnny Clever-as-Weasels used his profits to open Clever-as-Weasels and Associates, a consulting firm that advises Native Americans on how to scalp the white man legally.

One such place, the Wildhorse Resort & Casino, opened up in 1994. The Confederated Tribes of the Umatilla Indian Reservation were so eager to start scalping that they actually opened before it was completely built. Located 75 miles south of where I live, it was inevitable, with my interest in gaming, that I would eventually visit.

And I visited sooner than I expected, thanks to my friend Keith.

Shortly before our visit, I taught Keith the proper way to play blackjack. This turned out to be a mistake on my part. His first attempted in the card room earned him $75 (starting with $30) in about an hour. Keith was now under the impression he could do it every time. So, when Wildhorse opened, he wanted to go. In his mind, if he won $45 in a card room, he could make a much more in a full-fledged casino. So he wanted to go, and (sadly) I agreed. It took 75 minute to drive down, the entire time I tried to explain the basics of gambling: bankrolls, probability, house advantage, etc. He appeared to be listening, but repetition is the key to telling Keith anything. There is no such thing as a non-profit casino I was still explaining when we arrived. It was just after midnight, so the place was not overly crowded. As I mentioned, the place had opened before it had been completely built. There was no bar (much to my disappointment), nor were there even any dealers - everything (at this time) was electronic. We went from machine to machine. I explained how to play each game, and Keith invested a few dollars in them before moving on to the next game.  After another 2 hours, Keith was finally understanding the realities of gambling, and decided it was about time for us to head back home. That's when Pocahontas showed up. Pocahontas probably wasn't her name, but shew wasn't wearing a name tag. And quite frankly, even if she was wearing one, I wouldn't have noticed it as there were more interesting things on her to look at. For the first time since we walked in, I had forgotten that I wanted a drink.  "Gentlemen" she said pleasantly. "I believe one of you left credits on one of the machines." She gestured gracefully, like a stewardess indicating the emergency exits, to an empty part of the slots area, opposite to the side we were at. In fact, in the 1/2 hour or so, there was nobody over where she indicated. We should have been suspicious. "It wasn't us" Keith said. "Well, there is no one else. Would you like them?" "Sure" Keith said, and b-lined to the machine.   I followed. Sure enough, there was quarter machine that had two credits on it. This was the first clue that this was a set up. Gamblers do not leave money on a machine, unless they were extremely drunk, and Wildhorse didn't sell alcohol then. The second clue is that the entire time we were playing slots, nobody was in the vicinity of the credited machine.  Casinos have surveillance cameras. And if they have cameras, they might also have microphones, perhaps in conjunction with audio recognition software, listening for key words. So what I suspect is this: The surveillance man was alerted by a flashing red light. He put on his headphones, and listened to what I was telling Keith - the kind of information they did not want people to know. He contacted the head of security, who also listened and confirmed the surveillance man's assessment. He initiated code 9. The systems technician was contacted, and told to credit machine #105 with two plays. The floor manager was contacted and given a description of myself and Keith. Being males, attendant #17 was selected, and sent into action. That's when Pocahontas showed up. "Gentlemen" she said pleasantly. "I believe one of you left credits on one of the machines." She gestured to an empty part of the slots area, opposite to the side we were at. "It wasn't us" Keith said. "Well, there is no one else. Would you like them?" "Sure" Keith said, and b-lined to the machine.   I followed. Sure enough, there was quarter machine that had two credits on it. Keith pushed the [PLAY] button, reels turned (electronically) and symbols fell and... nothing. One more credit, Keith pushed the [PLAY] button again, reels turned (again) and symbols fell (again) and... Suddenly, there was a DING DING sound as bells went off, and the light on top of the machine started flashing. Keith just hit a 600 to 1 payoff and won $150. There was also a WHOOSH sound, at least I heard it. It was the sound of everything I told him being forcefully expelled out his ears. Keith took his ticket to the cashier, collected his money, and then we made our way out to the parking lot. "This was fun" he announced as we were walking out. "We should come here more often." I just shook my head. The Indians would eventually scalp him for several hundred dollars before he wised up and realized he wasn't going to get rich at the casino. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I could the attendant watching us leave. She had an evil smile on her face. It was after 2 a.m. so we would not be able to stop somewhere and get that drink I now so badly needed.



And if you think people were
upset over the Reservation
Gaming, just imagine what
would happen if they tried

the other Nevada style of
entertainment.

The success of Native Gaming caused an issue with many states. And it wasn't over the fact that gambling had been permitted within their borders. It was the fact they couldn't tax it. They weren't getting their share! Legislation was passed, laws modifies, and gambling was introduced in many states and expanded in other. There is now some form of legalized gambling in almost every state.

Only Hawaii and Utah do not have any form of legalized gambling. Hawaii already have sufficient revenues from tourism, and doesn't need the additional revenue from gambling. In Utah, it is because Mormons believe that they have a right to force their morality on others.

Which reminds me of a joke:

Two Native Americans were walking down a beach where the discovered an lamp. Inside the lamp was a genie, which the two men freed from his imprisonment. "Blessings upon thee!" the Genie announced. "I have been imprisoned within the lamp for centuries. As a reward for freeing me, I shall grant thee one wish." "Hmmm..." the older Native contemplated. "Such a thing requires much thought and wisdom." "No it doesn't!" the younger responded. "I wish that all the white men were gone and our lands will belong to us again." "It is granted" the Genie declared, then he disappeared in a flash of light and a puff of smoke. The younger Native smiled proudly, but the elder frowned and shook his head. "You are a dumb-ass" the old man said. "What do you mean? I just did what our people haven't been able to do in 500 years." "Yes, but now who is going to come play in our casinos?"

Gambling with Dogs will be
continued in a future blog entry ...