Stupid Cats are for Dummies (Excert from Macky Rae's book on stupid cats)

The following is an excerpt from Macky Rae's book Stupid Cats are for Dummies:

From Chapter Six:

Cats are very Stinky

 

Cats are stinky. There are people who say that cats are very clean, but this is not true. They are dirty. And stinky. They are covered in cat spit! Cats are very stinky.

 

If you absolutely must have to have a stinky cat as a pet, you will need to clean your stinky, cat spit covered animal in order to prevent your house from smelling like stinky cat spit.

 

Do you know how you should clean a cat? I will tell you:

How to Bathe a Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash" and "rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.