Guns and Nudity

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Warning: This blog entry contains a light hearted discussion of nudity, a subject that many people find offensive. If you are offended by nudity, discussions of nudity, or waffles, you may not want to continue reading.
However, if you like nudity, or at least discussions of nudity, or just want to find out what bizarre and off the wall things I have to say, then by all means continue reading.
And if you are hoping for some naughty pictures, this is as racy as it is going to get.

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In the town in which I live, it is perfectly legal to walk down the main road (or any other road for that matter) armed to the teeth and - as long as the weaponry is within the range of acceptability (i.e. no military-grade weapons) and nothing is concealed (unless a concealed weapons permit is issued) - no law enforcement officer, governmental official, or other may impede your orderly perambulation down the municipal thoroughfare.

But if you were to walk down the same road with your Johnson (or Johnsonette) exposed, you will be stopped, and probably arrested for indecent exposure (or lewd conduct).

And you will wind up on the registered sex offender list.

Now the question I have is this: How many people are injured or killed each year in this country by firearms? According to the CDC: 31,672.

How many people where injured or killed by a Johnson?

The CDC website has no data on that. Presumably, there were none.

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.       ~U.S.Constitution, Second Amendment

Thanks to the Second Amendment of the Constitution, the right to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed, which means you are within you rights to walk down the road with a .357 on your hip, a 9mm in your shoulder holster, and a .30-06 across your back while holding a 12 gauge shotgun in your hand along with enough ammo to hold of a battalion of Al-Qaeda terrorists.

The police may stop you (and one would hope they would) but as long as you are not wanted for anything, after chatting with the policemen (plural - if you are armed, there will be more than one officer stopping you) you are free to continue on down the road.

Unless you are naked at the time, then you are going to jail.

Nudity, it seems, has little protection under the law

[Gen 2:25] And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

In addition to us, the Naked Mole Rat
was created furless. Genesis also does
not explain this.

For reasons that are not explained in Genesis (or anywhere else in the Bible), God created us naked. And not just naked, but buck naked. Mammals, which our information tells us were the last group of animals the Lord created, all received fur - except for us. All we got was some hair, predominantly on our heads and on our.. well, you know - down there.

And then women go and shave off what little fur the Lord did give them.. well, you know, down there.

I could probably do an entire blog entry on why women do things.

I could do an entire blog on why women do things.

But I digress.

[Gen 3:6-7] she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked;

You ever had this happen to you? You are sitting in your living room, eating a piece of fruit, and suddenly realize that your not wearing any clothes?

[Gen 3:7] and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.

I asked this in a previous blog entry: Where did the sewing kits come from?

[Gen 3:10-11] And Adam said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. And God said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

"Eve, we shouldn't have eaten the fruit."

[Gen 3:21] Unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them.

And from this point on, anyone naked in public was subject to arrest.

Did you know there was a streaker in the bible?

The "streaker" is an unidentified figure mentioned briefly in the Gospel of Mark, immediately after the arrest of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane and the fleeing of all his disciples:

And there followed him a certain young man, having a linen cloth cast about his naked body; and the young men laid hold on him: And he left the linen cloth, and fled from them naked. [Mark 14:51-52]

Although the young man is unidentified, many biblical scholars speculate that the streaker was none other than St. Mark himself, as the parallel accounts in the other canonical Gospels make no mention of this incident.

Lady Godiva was an 11th-century Anglo-Saxon noblewoman who, according to legend rode naked through the streets of Coventry in order to gain a remission of the oppressive taxation imposed by her husband on his tenants. She is one of the earliest historical "nude" protesters.

Many of you (women) no doubt recognize the name Godiva as the manufacturer of premium chocolates. I'm not sure how Lady Godiva became associated with chocolate, as (historically) she would never have tasted chocolate. The company website provided no information on the origin of the name.

The name sort of implies a connection (of which I am unaware) between chocolate and nudity. Maybe it is something like the forbidden fruit: you are sitting in your living room, eating a piece of Godiva Chocolate, and suddenly realize that your not wearing any clothes.

If one of you chocolate-loving women could enlighten me on this, it would be much appreciated. And possible the subject of a future blog entry.

The name "Peeping Tom" for a voyeur (FYI) originates from this legend.The Earl of Coventry ordered everyone to stay indoors while Godiva made her ride, but a man named Tom peeked and watched her ride. In some versions of the legend he was struck blind.

Perhaps Lady G wasn't all that. 

You may have noticed that I
am mostly discussing nudity.

That is because nudity is

more fun to discuss!

In modern times, numerous protesters have taken to the streets in the all together to protest a variety of issues.

And nothing gets peoples attention better than nudity.

In Chicago, shortly after the first troops were deployed to the Gulf, a group of ladies decided to protest the war. This is not unusual, as there were many people who decided to protest the war. What was unusual was what they were wearing (or not wearing, depending on your perspective.)

The were only wearing body paint.

So the police arrived, but not for the reasons you would think. The members of Chicago PD only came to warn the protesters to (please) keep the protest on the sidewalks, as protesting in the street was interfering with the orderly flow of traffic - we can probably safely assume that the protesters were protesting during rush hour as to maximize there message.

Paint, apparently, at least in the Windy City, is considered clothing as it pertains to the laws governing nudity and lewd behaviour.

And I suppose that if Lady Godiva had been there, the Chi-Town constables would have only reminded her to clean-up after her horse.

While doing research for this blog entry,
I learned that there is an actual airline that
caters to nudists.

Speaking of Chicago, did you know that the unofficial streaking record is 1852 miles. That's right, miles.

What does this got to do with Chicago?

Because 1852 miles the distance (in air miles) from Chicago to San Francisco.

Let me explain:

Back in 1980, Abigail Fitch a resident of San Francisco received notice from her great uncle's lawyers that he had died and, being his sole living relative, could she come to Chicago in order to settle his estate. As the request came with air fare, Abigail agreed.

At the very least, a free trip to the Windy City.

She knew her great uncle was well-off, but not how much. She was expecting a settlement of maybe a few thousand dollars, but when she met with the lawyers she was informed that the settlement was for a few million dollars. $19 million, more or less, which in 1980 was quite a bit of  money.

 It still is today.

I've heard two versions of the story regarding her return to "the City by the Bay." One is that she chartered the 1st class section of a commercial flight, the other is she chartered a private jet. But in both versions of the story, Abigail boarded the plane and promptly removed her clothing, and flew to San Francisco au naturel, being served champagne and macadamia nuts by a steward names Eric who probably still tells the story to this day. 

As soon they landed, Abigail put her clothes back on and disembarked.

And my guess is that she hired a taxi, drove to her place of employment, and tendered her resignation.

Which brings us to California:

In 1983, Sheila MacPherson, a resident of Santa Mira CA, was sunbathing in her back yard when police arrived and issued her a citation. Whereas sunbathing was legal, Sheila was doing it in the altogether, which was altogether a violation of the cities nudity ordinance.

One of the neighbors must have called, no doubt. There is always one...

But instead of paying the fine, she decided to fight it in court.

Despite being caught sans vêtements, Sheila pled "not guilty" to the charge against her.

Her lawyer then requested that the court dismiss charges against Ms MacPherson, claiming that she could not have violated the ordinance. He pointed out that the ordinance didn't specifically prohibit being naked in public, it prohibited "the public display of genitalia."

Same thing right?

Not exactly.

Sheila's lawyer brought in evidence, a medical book or something (Grey's Anatomy?) which explained in medical terms (accompanied by illustrations) that a woman's genitals are internal, not external, and therefore it would have been physiologically impossible for Ms. MacPherson to have violated the city's ordinance.

The judge agreed, and the charges against her were dropped.

If I ever get arrested, this is the lawyer I want to represent me.

One might assume that the ordinance was rewritten at the next city-council meeting. If not sooner.

What is Mrs Emerson

doing in her back yard?

     I think she's going to

sunbathe herself.

OMG! She's taking

off her bathing suit!

She's naked!

I better go tell Dad.

He'll want to see this!

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Guns and Nudity will be continued in a future blog entry.

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