Upon entering the room, I notice Macky Rae (my youngest dog) watching T.V. He appears enthralled in the television program.ME: What are you watching?
MACKY: It's a detective show. It is kind of like the Agnes Crusty Mysteries that Sarah likes.
ME: I didn't know you liked mysteries.
MACKY: This one is OK. It has monsters in it.
Silence as we watch the program.
ME: They have a dog.
MACKY: Yeah.
ME: Is it a Mastiff?
MACKY: No, he is a Great Dane.
Silence as we watch the program.
MACKY: Dad, hush. They are coming to the good part.
VOICE 1: Let's see who the swamp monster really isMACKY: Wow. I did not see that coming. I wonder why he did it?
VOICE 2: Jinkies! It's Mr Johnson the gardener.
VOICE 3: Zoinks! Why did he do it?
MACKY: He would have, too.VOICE 1: The Hotel was built over pirate treasure. If he scared everyone away, he would be able to dig it up for himself.
JOHNSON: And I would have got away with it, if it weren't for these meddling kids.
SHERIFF: Well, he will have 5 to 7 years in the state pen to think about his actions.
ME: I think I will go make dinner.
MACKY: Hey, Dad. There is another episode coming on. Do you want to watch it with me?
Macky Rae likes TVLand.
All the shows on TVLand are reruns, but Macky is only 3 years old so he hasn't seen them before.
They aren't reruns if you haven't seen them before.
He also thinks TVLand is a real place. He wants to "visit" some of his favorite shows, but so far has been unable to find where TVLand is on GoogleMaps.
Here are a few of the programs on TVLand (and other networks), and what my dogs opined about them:
The Andy Griffith Show. Andy Taylor is the widowed sheriff of the fictional small community of Mayberry, North Carolina. His life is complicated by an inept, but well-meaning deputy, Barney Fife, a spinster aunt and housekeeper, Aunt Bee, and a precocious young son, Opie (Ron Howard). Local ne'er-do-wells, bumbling pals, and temperamental girlfriends further complicate his life.MACKY: Dad, was Sheriff Taylor one of those southern redneck peckerwood lawmen?ME: I don't think so. He seemed like a fairly upstanding type.MACKY: Then why are there no black people in Mayberry?FREEDOM: Or Hispanics?SARAH: Sheriff Taylor is a racist!
Gilligan's Island. For those who has never seen (or heard) of Gilligan's Island: The two-man crew of the charter boat S. S. Minnow and five passengers on a "three-hour tour" from Honolulu run into a tropical storm and become shipwrecked on an uncharted island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.
My dogs had some questions about the show:
- Freedom: If the professor could rig up a power generator using coconut shells and palm leaves, why couldn't he patch the hole in the boat? Or at least fix the transmitter?
- Sarah: Why did the Howells take so much luggage on a "three hour tour"?
- Macky Rae: What happened to Wilson?
The Brady Bunch. Mike Brady, a widowed architect with three sons, marries Carol who has three daughters Included in the blended family are Mike's live-in housekeeper, Alice, and the boys' dog, Tiger.
Tiger appeared in many of the early episodes. The original dog used was run over by an automobile and died of his injuries before the fourth episode, but a replacement look-alike was found. "Tiger" appeared in about half the episodes in the first season and about half a dozen episodes in the second season, when he was quietly written out of the series - seemingly vanishing without an explanation. Tiger appeared in a total of 10 episodes.
My dogs think he gotten taken to the pound.
Fluffy was the cat owned by Carol and the girls. Fluffy only appeared in "The Honeymoon" episode from Season One, and was never seen again.
My dogs did not like the cat.
| My dogs are currently developing a updated version of The Brady Bunch which they plan to submit to several networks. In their reboot, Mike Brady has the dogs and Carol has three cats.  There is also a pet goldfish named Tiger, but it will get written out during the first season. |
Speaking of TV dogs
 |
Seriously?
He fell in the well again?
That's like the third or fourth time.
I think maybe Timmy is retarded.
I know, huh? Lassie should just
leave his stupid ass in the well.
|
Interesting Fact: Lassie was portrayed by six dogs, the last five being descended from the first. Although Lassie was a female in the TV show, the dogs who played her were all males.
Frasier. My dogs and I like to watch Frasier. A spin-off from Cheers, it features Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer) as a radio talk show host in Seattle. Although I enjoyed the show for its comedic value, my dogs did not find the show as funny as I did. Of the cast of characters, their favorite was Martin's dog, Eddie.FYI: "Eddie" was actually played by two dog's during the 11 years the show ran. The first "Eddie" was played by Moose, and then by his son Edzo after the 8th season.My dogs were rather disappointed that "Eddie" was not given his own show after the series ended.
ME: What's wrong?
MACKY: Nothing.
ME: Why are you limping?
MACKY: I am playing cowboy. ME: What does limping have to do with being a cowboy? MACKY: I am looking for the man who shot my paw. |
Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear. From out of the past come the thundering hoof-beats of the great horse Silver. The Lone Ranger rides again!
The Westerns
The Lone Ranger. One of the most popular of the westerns is the lone ranger. Originally a radio show, it was modified in the 1950s to television (and later full length movies).
The Lone Ranger is so named because the character is the last survivor of a group of Texas Rangers, rather than because he works alone (as he is usually accompanied by Tonto).
BTW: "Tonto", in Spanish, means "stupid."
One wonders if Tonto was aware of this.
The back story of the Lone Ranger is a posse of six members of the Texas Ranger Division pursuing "Butch" Cavendish and his outlaws is ambushed. Later, an Indian named Tonto stumbles onto the scene and discovers one ranger is still alive, though barely. He nurses the man, whom the radio show eventually established as being named John Reid, back to health. John Reid fashions a black domino mask, using material from his brother's vest, to conceal his identity. To aid in the deception, Tonto digs a sixth grave and places at its head a cross with John's name so that Cavendish and his gang would believe that all of the Rangers had been killed.
The Lone Ranger, and Tonto, then go forth to right wrongs, defend those in need, and (in the words of Macky Rae) majorly kicking bad-guy butt!
Departing on his white stallion, Silver, the Lone Ranger would shout, "Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!" As they galloped off, someone would ask, "Who was that masked man, anyway?"
These catchphrases, his trademark silver bullets, and the theme music from the William Tell Overture have become tropes of popular culture.Tonto usually referred to the Lone Ranger as "Kemosabe." Many have speculated what "Kemosabe" actually meant, and where it came from. Some speculate it is from the Spanish phrase "Quien sabe" or "quien no sabe," meaning "who knows?" or "he who does not know". Other theorize it is from giimoozaabi, an Ojibwe and Potawatomi word that probably meant "scout", it is sometimes translated as "trusty scout" or "faithful friend".
Some have suggested it means "the south end of a horse that is facing north," Tonto's revenge for being called "stupid" by the Lone Ranger.
Whatever it's meaning or origin, it's use has become so widespread that it was entered into Webster's New Millennium Dictionary in 2002.
 |
| Kemosabe? |
Bonanza was a TV western series that ran from 1959 to 1973. Lasting 14 seasons and 430 episodes, it ranks as the second longest running western series (behind Gunsmoke), and within the top 10 longest running, live-action American series. The show centers on the Cartwright family, who live in the area of Virginia City, Nevada, bordering Lake Tahoe.
SARAH: Dad, were the Cartwright boy's gay?
ME: Not that I know.FREEDOM: I don't think you could have "gay" cowboys in the 50s and 60s.SARAH: They why didn't any of them have girlfriends?
A standard practice with most westerns was to introduce some romance but avoid matrimony. Few media cowboys had on-screen wives. Any time one of the Cartwrights seriously courted a woman, she died from a malady, was abruptly slain, or left with someone else.
Hop Sing
Ben Cartwright's
illegitimate son?
And this wasn't just restricted to Bonanza. In just about any other western, if one of the main characters became serious, something was going to happen to her.
- She would turn out to be evil (and get run out of town)
- She would die of a horrific disease
- She would be trampled by stampeding cattle. Or worse, stampeding sheep!
From the fourth season on, the Cartwrights and nearly every other recurring character on the show wore the same clothing in almost every episode. The reason for this is twofold: it made duplication of wardrobe easier for stunt doubles and it cut the cost of refilming action shots (such as riding clips in-between scenes), as previously shot stock footage could be reused.SARAH: I know why they didn't have girlfriends. They were stinky.
ME: Why would you think that?
SARAH: Because they are wearing the same clothes in every episode.
FREEDOM: Hop Sing must be the only Chinaman in a 1960s western who doesn't do laundry.
This practice was used in other westerns as well, which makes it look like cowboys never changed clothes.
Gunsmoke is an American radio and television Western drama series that take place in and around Dodge City, Kansas, during the settlement of the American West. The central character is lawman Marshal Matt Dillon, played by William Conrad on radio and James Arness on television.
The radio version ran from 1952 to 1961, and John Dunning writes that among radio drama enthusiasts "Gunsmoke is routinely placed among the best shows of any kind and any time." The television version ran for 20 seasons from 1955 to 1975, and was the United States' longest-running prime time, live-action drama with 635 episodes. In 2010, Law & Order tied this record of 20 seasons (but only 456 episodes).
As the show progressed, numerous characters came and went as contracts ended and actors went on to other roles, although some remained for most of the series, most notably James Arness and Milburn Stone who portrayed their Gunsmoke characters for 20 consecutive years.
Kelsey Grammer also portrayed the character Frasier Crane for 20 years, but over two half-hour sitcoms (Cheers and Frasier).
One of the characters was Miss Kitty. Miss Kitty was... well, a "professional."
Kitty's profession was hinted at, but never explicit; in a 1953 interview with TIME, MacDonnell declared, "Kitty is just someone Matt has to visit every once in a while. We never say it, but Kitty is a prostitute, plain and simple." The television show first portrayed Kitty as a saloon employee (dance-hall girl/prostitute) then later as the owner of the Long Branch Saloon.
In the series, there was a bit of sexual tension between the Marshal Dillon and Miss Kitty. My theory is that Miss Kitty wanted to hook up with him, but was afraid that if she did, she would be trampled by stampeding cattle.Or worse, stampeding sheep!
MACKY: Dad, was Marshall Dillon one of those redneck peckerwood lawmen?ME: I don't think so. He seemed like a fairly upstanding type.MACKY: Then why are there no black people in Dodge City?FREEDOM: Or Hispanics?SARAH: Marshall Dillon is a racist!
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