Go Seahawks!!!
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The NFL regular season officially began September 4th as the Seattle Seahawks hosted the Green Bay Packers at CenturyLink Field. The Packers were defeated 36-16.
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When I came home on the 4th, I discovered my home was filled with canines. Not just my three, but about two dozen or so canines of assorted sizes and breeds. Most of them had a bag of microwave popcorn,
And Macky Rae (my youngest dog) was in the kitchen microwaving more.
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I was also informed that I was hosting the chapter to watch the game.
As I said, two dozen assorted dogs, all huddled (pun intended) around the TV, and eating popcorn.
And spilling popcorn. There was popcorn all over the carpet. And the sofa. and the recliner.
As you can imagine, watching football game with a herd of dogs can be quite interesting. Dogs can be very excitable, and when they are excited they bark. During the game, they barked at everything. Touchdowns. Field goals. Penalties. Bad calls by the refs. Stupid Commercials.
And they kept spilling the popcorn! I am still finding popcorn all around the apartment.
At half time, everyone needed to go potty. So, I opened the door and two dozen assorted canines went outside to answer the call of nature. The each selected a tree or bush, and everything was going OK.Until someone yelled "squirrel!"
It was at this time that a red squirrel with very bad timing cruised into view. One of the dogs yelled "squirrel!" and it was game on as the two dozen assorted canines chased the squirrel half a block and up a sycamore tree.
Things looked bad for the squirrel as the two dozen canine surrounded the tree, barking and growling. It was starting to look hopeless for the squirrel when Sarah (my female) came out on the porch and announced that the second half was just about to start. The two dozen assorted canines suddenly lost interest in the squirrel and returned to watch the game, allowing the squirrel to escape.
And I bet that particular squirrel never comes within a half mile of our apartment ever again.
It was during half time "potty break" that I noticed one of the "dogs" was of the feline persuasion. I found it interesting that a cat would be at a gathering of the 12th Dog Association.More important, I found it interesting that none of the dogs seemed to be aware that there was a cat at there gathering.
I decided to inquire.
ME: Macky Rae, can I ask you a question?
MACKY: Sure.
ME: Have you, or the rest of the club, noticed anything different about Freddie?
MACKY: Like what?
ME: Like, Freddie is a cat.
MACKY: Oh, yeah. We knew that.
ME: And you let him into your club?
MACKY: There isn't a local 12th cat chapter, so Freddie had to join our club.
ME: And you're OK with cats in your club??
MACKY: Sure. As long as they are Seahawk fans.
I was informed later that many of the cats in our area were Bronco fans.
Who would have guessed?
Finally, when many had almost given up all hope, they made it. Super bowl XL.
And because Bill Leavy suddenly forgot how to officiate a football game correctly, victory was snatched away.But finally, after 38 years, the Sea Hawks vindicated themselves by winning Super Bowl XLVIII. Hopeful it won't be another 38 years before they go again! |
MACKY: Hey Dad. Did you hear the police got called to an St. Louis Ram's practice?
ME: Really?
MACKY: Yeah. During practice, they discovered a suspicious white substance on the field.
ME: No kidding?
MACKY: Yeah. The DEA investigated and discovered it was the the end zone, but told the Rams not to worry about it because it was unlikely that they would encounter it much during the NFL season.
According to statistics, more people are born in October than any other month. This means more people were conceived in January (and this indicated that the national copulation rate increases in January). Several theories have been put forth to explain this, but do not adequately explain the phenomena. A common theory is that January is a cold, dark month, and people do not have much to do, other than have sex.Copulating is a great way to warm up, I agree, but there are other cold, dark month which do not have an increased conception rate. So this theory also does not adequately explain the phenomena.
Think about it: The die hard football fan has been glued to the TV every weekend since August. Suddenly, it's all over. He become lost. Disoriented. He looks around, and notices a strange woman in the kitchen washes dishes. No, wait - that's his wife. Something stirs inside him. Its been awhile, since August. He slips up behind her and begins to fondle her... well, you know where. "Hey, baby. You is lookin' good today." He wants sex. The dishes need to be washed, but she gives in easily. It has been awhile, since August. |
We got a new neighbor, who (unfortunately) is a 49ers fan. Most of the people who live in our apartment complex are Seahawk fans. The reason I know this is because the water pressure in the apartment drops off during the commercials.
This is because everyone is going on potty break at the same time.But as I said, we got a new neighbor, and he roots for the 49ers.
He also has a cat.Between being a 49ers fan AND a cat owner, Macky is not to fond of the man.
Or his cat. Or the bumper sticker on his car.
Actually, there's not much of the bumper sticker left. The West Richland chapter of the 12th dog association has been scraping it off during the night.The other day, Macky and Mr. Zinn (our 49ers neighbor) were outside, discussing football.
ZINN: Why are you a Seahawks fan?
MACKY: Because my Dad is a Seahawks fan.
Which is true. As I said, I have been following them since 1976.ZINN: So, you're a Seahawk fan just because your Dad is a Seahawks fan?
MACKY: That's right.
ZINN: So, what if your Dad was a moron, what would that make you?
MACKY: A 49ers fan.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
~Frank Zappa
For most of the world, "football" is what we call soccer. What we call "football' the rest of the world calls "American Football." American football evolved from the sport of rugby football somewhere during the late 1800s. Rugby, like American football, is a team sport where two competing teams vie for control of a ball, which can be kicked through a set of goalposts or run into the opponent's goal area to score points
There are numerous differences between American Football and Rugby, but the most significant is that the participants of Rugby don't wear a lot of protective equipment.I've seen Rugby played. It's brutal. I've seen less violence at a hockey game. It's not a sport for wimps. Cuts, bruises, missing body parts - but after the game ends (and all the missing body parts are sewn back, hopefully on the right person) the two teams that were trying to mangle each other head down together to the pub for drink.
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| Tlachtli |
The Aztecs had an interesting game called Tlachtli. This was not a "football," but rather something similar to racquetball. Archeologists are still not clear on the exact rules, but one of the aspects of the game may have been that the losing team members were sacrificed.
And you thought Rugby was tough.
Fortunately, the NFL has no such rule. Otherwise, Cleveland would no longer have a franchise.
Now what I do think would be an interesting idea is what I call "The Loser Bowl." One week before the Super Bowl, the worse teams in each conference play agains each other in order to determine who is the worst. Winner of the Loser Bowl gets a bonus first pick in the next NFL draft
The losers walk home in their underwear.
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