Cellphone, Part 2 - Ringtones and Stuff

Last time on this blog, I covered cellphones (and phones in general), which included the Ten Commandments of Cell Phone Etiquette.

If you did not read that blog, click here and do so now. This is part two of Cellphones, and shouldn't read part two until you've read part one.

 Go ahead, we'll wait.

For those of you who did read part one, here is a quick recap:

• We learned about phone.
• We learned about pay-phones, and phone booths
• We learned about heroes, and how my Uncle Theo (and Chuck Norris) fought comets.
• We learned the Ten Rules of Phone Etiquette.

Riding the bus to the phone place.

• We also learned that Macky Rae (my youngest dog wanted a cell phone (and has, for sometime, been recycling aluminum), which is where we ended last month - heading to the phone store.

I do not drive, nor does Macky Rae (or either of my other two dogs). Therefore, in order to reach Phones R Us, we must take the bus. With nearly $400 inside a empty soup can, me and my dog boarded the bus, and rode to the phone store.

In case you are curious, we ride the 110 bus to the transfer center, then transfer to the 160.

There are several phone stores in our community, but Macky wanted to go to Phones R Us. He says its "dog friendly."

You might be surprised to learn that many stores are not "dog friendly."

Many stores and other establishments have a "No Dog" policy, and many of them announce this policy by placing "No Dog" signs in their windows. I'm not allowed to patronize these establishments. My dogs say this is racism, and we should not condone racism, or any other isms.

Sarah wants to sue some of these places.

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I have a dream that my little dogs will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their fur but by the content of their character. We can never be satisfied as long as our pets are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating: "No Dogs Allowed."

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Info on service animals can be found at

the DOJ's ADA website.

Now, by law, even if these stores have a no dog policy (or a sign), they have to allow "service animals" for people with disabilities. My dogs don't understand why some dogs can go into stores, and some can't. They  don't understand why dog aren't allowed in stores in the first place. I told them that the stores are afraid that the dogs might pee on the floor, to which Macky asked

"How does the service vest prevent dogs from peeing on the floor?"

We encountered this sign while walking past the local elementary school. Naturally, my dogs found it offensive.

MACKY: That sign is stupid. Dogs do not even play golf.

FREEDOM: Or ride motorcycles.

MACKY: Do you know why we do not play golf?

ME: Why?

MACKY: Because we can not hold golf clubs because we do not have thumbs.

ME: Is that why dogs don't ride motorcycles?

FREEDOM: No. That's because our legs are to short.

MACKY: I wonder what they would do if a group of dogs rode up on Harleys carrying golf clubs?

FREEDOM: They'd probably call the SWAT team.

SARAH: You guys are stupid.

Dogs are not permitted on this beach,

even if they have clothes on.

Man invented writing about 10,000 years ago (give or take a week). There are various theories as to why man invented writing, but one theory is that it was so that signs (such as "No Dogs" and "Keep of the Grass") could be placed in various locations.

Here's a sign story for you: Some years back, the owner of a strip mall was having problems with people parking directly in front of a coffee shop (instead of in the parking lot) and then going in to order there café lattes (or whatever) - this all despite the red painted curbing and a sign that said "Fire Lane - No Parking - Tow-Away Zone." He even hired a security guard, who tried to tell the people not to park by the curb. He (the guard) was pushed aside by yuppies who told him "I'm only going to be a minute" - like that made it O.K. Finally, he (the owner) was force to resort to having a towing company come in and tow away the offending cars. The rent-a-cop took pictures of the cars by the "no Parking sign. Personally, I'd love to see a picture of some yuppie coming out of the coffee shop holding a cappuccino while his (or her) car was being towed away.  So after several yuppies had to bail their vehicles out of an impound, some lawyer of the ambulance-chasing variety got several of them together and filed a class action suit against the property owner, the towing company, and no doubt anyone else he could think of. The case didn't get to far. The presiding judge, no doubt smelling something malodorous, requested that the lawyer explain the premise of the law suit. The lawyer began to ramble, and the judge cut him off and repeated his request. Again, the lawyer rambles, and again was cut off. This time the judge asked the lawyer if he believed that his clients had some legal right to park illegally. The lawyer said they didn't, and the judge dismissed the case, and suggested to the lawyer that he should file a class action suit against the educational system that failed to teach his clients how to read a sign that said "Fire Lane/No Parking/Tow Away Zone."

No Shirts   No Shoes
No Service

If you lived through the 70s (like I did), you may remember this poster.

You may not remember the happy face on her derriere. I had to add that, because I am trying to keep this blog rated PG or under. 

This barely relates to the subject of signs (and has nothing to do with cell phones), but the young lady's response to the sign is inspiring.

Butt (pun intended) I have digressed.

Where were we... Oh, yes. Phones R Us.

This quaint little shop is owned and operated by a Hungarian immigrant by the name of Slilard Rakoszczi.

Macky can't pronounce his name.

Hell, neither can I! Vanna, we need to buy a vowel.

Macky calls his Mr. Lizard. 

The Barkia™ 2000.

Mister "Lizard" runs a small shop that sells cellphones (and related paraphernalia), sports cards, and espresso.  So while I was drinking a complimentary coffee, Macky Rae was on the counter - literally, standing on the top of the glass display case examining the cellphones. After examining the phones, studying the brochures, and listening to Mr. "Lizard" explain the service plans, Macky Rae mad his selection.

The Barkia™ 2000.

Mr. "Lizard" even threw in a special collar attachment, to help Macky carry it around.

I found it interesting that he wanted a cellphone. Humorous in fact, because of his reaction the first time he encountered a cellphone. Fat bottomed girls You make the Rocking World go round When Macky Rae was about 6 month or so (still a pup) I took him with me to the convenience store, conveniently located a short walk from our house. While we were waiting in line to pay for our purchases, Macky noticed he woman in front of us. "Dad" he whispered to me (loudly) "that lady has a big butt!" And she did, too! Don't Get me wrong, I have nothing against a woman with a booty. I like big butts (I can not lie), but there are limits. This woman's ass was more than just big - it was ginormous! And it stuck out so far that not only could I have rested a beer on it, but there was still room for the rest of the six pack. However, I told Macky that it was not polite to say things like that in public, and we continued waiting.   The woman had a cellphone, which for some odd reason she kept in her back pocket. We discovered this because as we were standing behind her (waiting to pay for our purchases) she received a call and her right butt cheek started beeping. "Dad!" Macky yelled. "Get out of the way, she is backing up."

 

One of the first things Macky did when we got home was to download some ringtones. They weren't "tones" per se, they were dog noises. Barks, growls, etc. You know, stuff that a dog would use on his cellphone.

At least they weren't musical ringtones.

I hate musical ringtones.

Some people have got the most annoying ring tones, usually some stupid hip-hop or redneck song. And to make it worse, they turn the volume up full. And its not even the whole song, it's a 15 second bite that repeats over, and over, and over.

Makes you want to scream "answer your @#$% phone!"

In the original Star Trek Captain Kirk

used a simple ringtone. The reason for

this that most ringtones are annoying,

even in the 23rd century. 

Of the numerous songs and/or ring tones that came with my phone, I use two. One goes beep-beep-beep and the other goes beeeep-beeeep.

 

The first I assigned to people on my "A" list, that is people that I like and who's call I will answer (provided I am not otherwise engaged in some other activity). The other one is for people I don't really want to talk to. I never answer these, they go straight to voice mail. That way, If someone calls I know whether its worth my time and effort to dig my phone out of my pocket and answer.

If you have ever called me, and I answered, congratulations, you are on my A list.

If you always seem to only get my voice mail... Beeep Beeep! 

There is a third ring tone I use that goes ding. This tells me I have just received a text.

I don't need hip-hop, redneck, hard rock, or any kind of music on my phone. If I want music, I turn on my stereo. That's what I got it for.

And my phone does not have a radio app. Again, that what I got a stereo for.

 

 

Level 150 Happy Dance

The other thing he did when we got home was download a ZombieLand™ app, so he would get instant notification if something important was going on in ZombieLand™ while he was offline. 

Regular readers of this blog are aware the Macky Rae likes computer games. His favorite is ZombieLand™ which he has been playing for about two years.

Recently, he proudly announced that he had reached level 150.

I assumed it was significant by the fact he was doing a happy dance.

I addition to playing ZombieLand™ he spend time in Z-Chat™ talking to other Z-Heads. After he downloaded the ZombieLand™ app, he downloaded the Z-Chat™ app, so he could talk with his Z-Head group with his phone.

He also downloaded a  ZombieLand™ screensaver.

ZombieLand™

ZombieLand™ is one of a dozen or so games created by a company called TechnoSoft® for online play, usually through social media.

 

TechnoSoft® was in the news last year when it developed a software glitch. The company uses one computer to operate all their online games, and a glitch allowed zombies from ZombieLand™ to infest some of the other games because of shared sofeware between all the game systems. TechnoSoft® attempted to patch the glitch, but was unable to do so because the zombies were every where.

If they were unable to solve the problem, they announced in a press release, they were going to have to shut down ZombieLand™

Macky (and the other Z-Heads) became concerned.

Although Macky explained it

to me, I was never clear as to

why they commandeered the

John Deere tractor.

Fearful that there game would be shut down, Macky Rae and the other Z-Heads™ met in Z-Chat™ and devised a plan to save TechnoSoft® from the Zombie Apocalypse.

 

They all logged into their ZombieLand™ accounts, then hacked into ArmyLand™ where they broke into an arsenal and acquired weapons normally not available to ZombieLand™ players. From there, the crossed into FarmLand™ where they commandeered pick-up trucks and a John Deere tractor and drove through CowboyLand™ until they reached CityLand™

Going block by block, Macky and the Z-Heads™ rooted out the zombies and hearded them back through the breach and held them there long enough for the programmers at TechnoSoft® to repair the program (and close the breach).

Macky Rae and all the Z-Heads™ each received $50 Visa gift cards and  "I ♥ ZombieLand™" t-shirts.

And they were allowed to keep the military weapons they took from the arsenal.

 

I came up with an idea for a phone app:   I am affiliated with an organization that helps people in need. Without being judgmental, the people that frequent the facility have a higher frequency of knowing someone (or being someone) on a state mandated time out. That means "in jail" Often times, when somebody hasn't been seen for a day or two (or three), missed an appointment, etc., the chances are good that he/she is in the county hotel. That means "the jail" Usually, calling the sheriff's office (or checking the online inmate list) locates the missing individual. If that turns up negative, the next call is to the hospital. Then the morgue.  So what I was thinking was this: Most jails are connected to the internet, and publish a daily inmate roster of their guest, usually along with the charge and the amount set for bail.   For those people with a friend and/or family member that has a tendency to visit the county jail on a regular basis, what we need is JailApp®  After you download this to your smartphone, you enter the name of your friends(s) and/or loved one(s) into the app. Every so often, the server sends an inquiry to the county jail, and if it receives a confirmation, it will sends an alert to your smart phone, something like this: Alert! You brother John Doe has been arrested. The charge(s) are: Mopery, Resisting Arrest Current at Dogpatch County Jail Bail is set at $2500 I think everybody knows at least one person for which this app would be helpful. And if you don't know of one, you probably are that one!

 

 

One of the problems we encountered was Macky's texting. Mr. "Lizard" sold Macky a plan that had unlimited texts, and the dog is trying his hardest to get his money's worth. He texted everyone he knew on a regular basis. When I go to the store, I would get texts reminding me to pick up this, or that.

Once I got a text from him, asking me what we were going to have for dinner. He was on the sofa, about 10 feet away from me at the time.

And my personal favorite: While going to the Zip-E-Mart one evening to get a soda, I received a text from Macky warning me to "watch out for zombies on the way home, and pick up some beef jerky."

 

I once told Macky that when I was growing up, we didn't have cell phones and text messages.

"How did you send messages to your friends?" he asked

"Drums" I told him.