Election 2016 - Vote for my dogs

My dogs have decided to run for president.

Well not all of them, just Freedom. Macky is his running mate, and will be vice president.

And director of the CIA. 

I'll explain that in a moment

I know what you are thinking: Can a dog be president?

Well the constitution doesn't say they can't.

Article Two, Section 1 of the United States Constitution sets forth the eligibility requirements for serving as President of the United States:

No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.

But freedom isn't 35 - is he?

No, Freedom is 10, but that's 70 in dog years.

And I know what else you're thinking: how can Freedom be president? He has no experience

This is not true

Regular readers of this blog will recall a previous entry where Freedom (and the other dogs) ran a small micro nation called The Canine Democratic Republic.

Now the country existed for less than a day, but up until the end I think they did a rather good job of it. 

Other than having his entire administration defect over a pizza. But in all fairness, it was the Supreme Meat Lover's Deluxe from Lorenzo's Ristorante Italiano

Macky Rae will be the vice president.

And the director of the CIA.

And the reason for this is because Macky doesn't think the Vice President does anything. As he put it "the Vice President just waits around in case the president dies or resigns." I explained to him that the Vice President is also the presiding officer of the Senate

He didn't think that sounded very exciting either.

So he decided he also wanted to be the head of the CIA, because spies and secret agents ARE exciting.

You ask: can the Vice President also be the CIA director? We're not sure. Will figure it out if they get elected.

Sarah, my older female, plans to be Secretary of State. She's very stoked about this. I asked her about her objectives in this position of power:

ME: What are your goals as Secretary of State?

SARAH: Two things. One is world peace.

ME: A worthy goal.

 

SARAH: I think so.

REBA: I like peas.

MACKY: Not peas, peace. World peace.

REBA: I have never had them whirled, but I think I would like them.

ME: How do you plan to achieve world peace? Were you planning to start with the middle east?

SARAH: No I was thinking get of starting with something simple, and work my way up to the middle east - Like North and South Dakota.

ME: The Dakotas?

SARAH: Yeah. I want to reunification them into one state again.

ME: I don't think they were ever one state.

SARAH: And that's sad. But I will get them together, maybe throw a cocktail party and invite the two governors and have them sit down and discuss their issues. Deep down inside I think they want to get back together.

MACKY: Isn't North Dakota developing a nuclear weapons program?

FREEDOM: You're thinking of North Korea

MACKY: What is North Dakota developing?

FREEDOM: Frostbite.

ME: After you reunify North and South Dakota, what's next on you agenda?



The Osbournes

SARAH: The Carolinas,  and if that goes well, I'll try something a little more important.

ME: Like Korea?

SARAH: No, like getting Sharon and Ozzy back together. Deep inside I think they want to get back together as well.

ME: What is your other goal as Secretary of State?

SARAH: Being a Grand Marshall in a parade, or at least getting to ride on a float. I've been practicing my wave. Wanna see?

Reba, my younger female, is also going to be part of the administration, but exactly what is uncertain. She is amost two years-old (still a child) and keeps changing her mind. At first she wanted to be the Secretary of Agriculture and grow vegetables, then she wanted to be Secretary of the Interior and go to the park. Then she wanted to be Secretary of Housing and Urban Development and build dog houses.

So currently we are unsure what position she will have.

But that's OK, she has until November to decide.  

What she does know for certain is she wants to be in a parade with Sarah. 

Sarah is teaching get her how to wave.

"I love a parade"

They are including me in their administration. I am going to be appointed Secretary of Veterans Affairs, because I am a veteran.

I thought I would be a good Secretary of Defense, but Freedom said "no."

FREEDOM: You can't be Secretary of Defense, we already have that position filled.

ME: By who?

FREEDOM: Uncle Theo

Theodore J. Barnes

I've mentioned my uncle several times on this blog.

My dogs like my Uncle. He has told them many stories about when he was in the Korean War.

Some are actually true. 

FREEDOM: Uncle Theo is better qualified because he was in the military.

ME: So was I.

FREEDOM: Yes, but you were only in the Air Force.

MACKY: Uncle Theo was a Marine.

REBA: He fighted comets.

SARAH: You mean communists.

REBA: That's what I said.

FREEDOM: Uncle Theo is better qualified because he was in the Marine Corps.

Ironically, they plan to ask Chuck Norris, who serve in the Air Force, to be Secretary of Homeland Security.

So I will be the Secretary of Veteran's Affairs, and handle anything veteran related, with the one exception of parades:

Sarah has informed me that if there are any veteran parades, I am to inform her and that she (and not I) gets to be the Grand Marshall, or at least ride on the float.

She's been practicing her wave.

Reba will also ride on the float. And if there is any room on the float, then I can ride as well.

But only if there is room on the float.

One of the problems the dogs are having is funding.

Not being affiliated with either of the major political parties (or any of the political parties) they are unlikely to receive any significant campaign contributions from any significant contributor. But they are OK with that because they don't want to be in anyone's back pocket, or perceived as owing big business favors.

They want to be seen as working for the common man.

And the common dog 

But this puts them at a disadvantage as they will have to finance their campaign themselves.

So far they have $11.38

They have set up a crowdfund account, and Macky has pledge to donate the money he gets recycling get aluminum cans.

But they will still need to economize.

They decided to save money by making there own signs. Taking a dollar out of the campaign jar (formerly a jar of Skippy peanut butter), they went down to the dollar store and purchased a pack of Sharpie pens from the dollar store (for $1).

Macky and Reba went down to the Zip-E-Mart with his red wagon and loaded it up with cardboard from the recycling bin, and currently the dogs are writing "Vote for Freedoms and Macky 2016" on them with the Sharpies.

Tomorrow they plan to put the signs up around the neighborhood.


I will keep you informed.