Lottery Tickets, Giant Redwoods, and Pirates

Ever now and then, when I have an extra dollar in my pocket, I buy a lottery ticket. My three dogs help me, each one picks two numbers, and I pick one.

Hold on, you are probably saying. 3 dogs times 2 numbers plus 1 more equals 7. There are only six lottery numbers.

This is true. But Macky Rae, my youngest dog, is fond of the number 4, so this is always his first pick. It is also his second pick as well. He is somewhat unclear on the concept of picking to different numbers, especially since 4 is such a good number. Thus I have to pick a seventh number to complete our ticket.

The odds of us winning are not really good, roughly 7,000,000 to 1. Statistically speaking, one is more likely to be struck by lightning (which would make an interesting news story: a man wins the lottery, collects his winnings, and gets struck by lightning). So why do we buy lottery tickets?

Well, for one the odds of winning without buying a ticket are a lot worse. For another, we enjoy planning what we will do if we actually do win a big jackpot. Our big plan is to buy an RV and travel around the country and see cool places and things. Our first stop is the Redwood National Park in California. This may not seem all that exciting, but for a dog the opportunity to pee on a giant Sequoia is a fantasy come true. Considering the size of these trees, it will be an all day event, and I will need to bring extra bottles of water so everyone is fully charged for the event.

Now an interesting fact regarding lotteries is the overall payout. In Washington State, the payout is 60%, which means for every dollar taken in, 60¢ is payed out. It was 50% when the lottery first started out. In the casinos, the payout is much greater. In Vegas, the worst game (Keno) pays 75%, most all the other games payout over 90%! The government pays 60%, the mob pays 95%?

But I digress.

The other morning, while drinking coffee, Macky Rae came up to me and said "Hey, Dad! I know what we can do if we win the lottery. We can be pirates!!"

We will go and buy a ship - a real pirate ship, made out of wood with canvas sails and cannons. We will load the cargo hold with food and doggie treats, set sail and roam the Caribbean. When we spy and unsuspecting merchant vessel, we will slip up beside them, lean over the railing, and bark at them.

"Just bark at them? Aren't we suppose to board them and steal there cargo"

"No, Dad. That would be mean, and we are not mean dogs"

"Then why the cannons?"

"Decorations."

"Then how are we suppose to make a living?"

"Dad, we won the lottery, remember?"

"And what do we do between merchant vessels?"

"We watch TV."

Apparently, we are going to install a satellite dish on the ship. Not traditional for pirates, but we must adapt to modern times. I assume we will also have an internet connection, so we can check our email and our Facebook accounts.

"So we just sail around the Caribbean?" I asked him.

"Until our food runs out, them we go to our homeport and restock our cargo holds."

"We have a homeport?"

"Of course we do, Dad. All pirates have a homeport."

"Where is ours?"

"St Martin. I looked it up on wikipedia, and picked it because I knew you would like it."

"And why is that?"

"Because of the nude beaches"

I love that little dog.