Zombies!

Pomeranian Home

Security Systems (Part 2)

24 Hour Service

My youngest dog (Macky Rae) has a vivid imagination, but he is only 3 years old, so that's normal. He enjoys science fiction (he is a big fan of Star Trek), "1950s Era Black and White Giant Insect Films," and (thanks to Aunt Amy) Zombie Flicks.

If you have been a frequent reader to this blog, you are aware also that he is computer literate. He has a few PC games he likes to play, but his favorite is ZombieLand,™  where you go around your "neighborhood" hunting zombies and protect your home. Currently, he has reached level 42.

He also believes zombies are real. (I blame Aunt Amy for this as well.)

He is taking Zombie Preparedness seriously, and as a result has began laying in supplies in the basement, should the predicted Zombie Apocalypse occur and we are force to go into seclusion. Based on a checklist he found on the CDC's zombie page, stored in the basement are:

Apparently, the CDC does
have a zombie page.

• Food - 50# of dog food, and an MRE for me.
• Water - 1 gallon in a empty milk carton (I'm not sure how long he thinks this will last us).
• Tools and Supplies - my old Swiss army knife, and a roll of duct tape.
• Sanitation and Hygiene - a box of Kleenex, a bar of soap, and a roll of toilet paper.
• Clothing and Bedding - three old dog sweaters, my red flannel shirt, and my sleeping bag.
• Important documents - photocopies of their latest rabies vaccination certificates.
• Medications - flea collars and medication for ear mites. And a bottle of Ibuprofen.
• First Aid supplies - a box of band aids.

Although not on the list, he now keeps his toys in the basement.

He also took our radio down there, but Freedom and Sarah made him bring it back upstairs.

In addition to the aforementioned provisions, he has acquire what he refers to as his "zombie whacking stick" (also known as the ZWS), a 1" sycamore branch brought back from on of our trips to the park. It is strategically stored by the door, except when he goes outside after sundown.

In ZombieLand™ one of the ways to kill zombie is to "whack" them, according to Macky Rae.

But as I said, he believes zombies are real, and after sundown he will not go outside without his "stick," just in case of a zombie attack.

The other night, Macky had gone outside (along with his ZWS) to "do business." He came racing back a short time later, all excited.

"Dad! Dad! Come quick. I just whacked a zombie!"

"I'm proud of you. Turn you game off and go to bed."

"No, Dad. Not a game zombie. A real zombie! It was walking down the alley and I whacked him!"

"How do you know it was a zombie?" I asked.

The Zombie Walk

"Because it walked like a Zombie"

 "How do zombies walk?"

"Like this" he replied, then stood up and demonstrated "the zombie walk." Rearing up on his hind legs, he began to stagger around on the floor, taking a few steps forward, a step back, and then a half step to the side, teetering as if about to fall over. It reminded me much of my Uncle Theodore under the influence of a quart or two of Jack Daniel's.

"Interesting" I said.

"And it had the zombie face."

"The zombie face?" 

"Yea, like this"



"And it had the zombie face."

Suddenly, the dog transformed his facial features from sweet, innocent Pomeranian to something that resembled something that one would envision after reading a H.P.Lovecraft story. I was momentarily startled by the "dog from hell" face, and quite impressed by his ability.

It was then I noticed that his ZWS was broken.

"How did your stick get broken?" I enquired.

"I told you, I whacked a zombie!"

"So you said."

"I was outside going potty, and I heard a noise. So I started looking around and I saw him!"

"Saw who?"

"The Zombie! I saw it coming down the alley, so I hid behind the garbage can. After it walked past me, I sneaked up behind him and WHACK! I knocked it down."

Now I'm getting a bit nervous.

"But it started to get up, so I had to whack it again. It didn't dissolve, like in ZombieLand™. It kept moaning and trying to get back up, so I kept whacking and whacking until the stick broke. And that is when I came in to tell you about the zombie."

"So the zombie is still out there?"

"That is what I have been telling you. I whacked it and now it is laying in the alley. It did not dissolve like zombies are suppose to."

At this point, I decided it might be a good idea to investigate.

We went out side (with what was left of the ZWS) and went out to the alley. Macky showed me where the "whacking" took place, but there was nothing there - zombie, human, or otherwise.

"It was right here" Macky said.

"Well, it's gone now."

"It escaped."

"Maybe it dissolved" I suggested.

"Yeah, maybe."

He didn't seem so sure, and kept looking around.

"Better luck next time. Let's go back inside. It's bedtime."

As we waked back, he kept looking around cautiously, holding what remained of the ZWS in his mouth. We went inside, and Macky scanned the alley once more before I closed the door. Reluctantly, he went to bed, but not before strategically placing what remained of the ZWS by the door.

I thought little of the incident, until I found the following article in this morning's newspaper:

Police responded to a call after a man was admitted to the ER suffering injuries in which emergency personnel felt were indicative with assault. Otis Campbell, 58, arrived at the emergency room at approximately 11:38pm suffering numerous abrasions and contusions, primarily in the cranial region. After Campbell was treated, he was questioned by the responding officer, who was told by Campbell that he was attacked by a dog. According to Campbell, he had left the Bar'n'Grill and was walking home down an alley way when he was "whacked" on the head with a large stick wielded by a small dog, knocking Campbell to the ground. He attempted to stand, but the dog continued to "whack" him whenever he tried to get up. The dog eventually ran off, allowing Campbell to escape. Police investigated the area in which Campbell claimed the attack occurred, but found no evidence of an altercation. Police were able to confirm from staff at the Bar'n'Grill that Campbell had been drinking prior to the attack, and was  intoxicated when he left. Tests on Campbell's blood taken at the time he was admitted to the ER indicated a .19 blood alcohol content, more that twice the State's definition for being under the influence. "We have had other alcohol related contacts with Campbell in the past" reported Officer Malloy, "although this is the first time he claimed to have been mugged by a dog, or any other animal. I will file the report, but in all honesty I do not think anything will come of it. I do not believe the community has anything to fear from a crazed club wielding Pomeranian running loose."

I'm not saying it was or wasn't Macky Rae, but in all fairness I have seen Otis stumbling home in the evening. And in the dim light of the streetlamps, he does sort of resemble a zombie when he walks.

Have a safe and happy Halloween!