Geneology (part 2): Samuel "Chet" Barnes (1828-1903)

This entry is being published a day late. The reason is that I often make notes (in a notebook), and then organize them into a comprehensible story, and then post them to the blog. The problem is that I still have two of Sarah's pups, and without thinking I left the notebook on my chair when I left to go shopping, and when I returned, the pups had destroyed my manuscript.

That's right, my dogs ate my homework.

Samuel "Chet" Barnes (1828-1903)

Our family name was anglicized

from a Gaelic name that roughly

translates as "My, there are a lot

of black sheep in our family."

Like most families, mine has a few skeletons in the closet. Perhaps it's just the fact that our family history goes back a few hundred years, but it seems to me that there are (were) a higher proportion of derelicts in our family than other families. Or maybe it's just that one is more aware of what goes on in one's own family than  one does about others.

A lot of the information I have comes from oral traditions (that is, the stories told by the older members of the family at gatherings about family members that have shuffled off their mortal coils).

I have a cousin who got interested in genealogy and traced our family back several generations. If you have illusions of having descended from illustrious ancestry, genealogy is probably something you don't want to look into. Horse thieves and other ne'er-do-wells are more likely to appear than princes and potentates. And that's more or less what my cousin discovered.

One of  the family's "black sheep" in the 19th century was Samuel "Chet" Barnes. There was little about "Chet" that was remarkable, including his academical record. He graduated last in his graduating class, ranking below a fellow classmate who died of cholera a month before graduation. He scored poorly on his SATs, and the only college that would admit him was the Hoboken Community College (and even then they required an "endowment" from his father.) He studied bookkeeping, graduating in 1846 with a 2.9 GPA.

Which meant that if you were to ask "Chet" an accounting question, there was only a 72% chance that he knew the right answer.

After graduation "Chet" was hired by the accounting firm of Dewar, Jore, and MacMinn (they owed the family a few favors) and thus found himself gainfully employed. This lasted about two years, until "the problem" was discovered.

During the middle of the 19th century, many Americans were discovering a new card game that was becoming popular in the United States. The games was called Poker. Many gentlemen were becoming adherents of the game, amongst them was "Chet" - which wasn't "the problem." Nor was "the problem" that "Chet" played at every opportunity.

"The problem" was that he wasn't good at it.

In fact, he "wasn't good at it" to the rate of $76.92 per week, which wouldn't has been that much of a problem, except "Chet" only earned $72 per month. He began to accumulate a substantial debt (numerous IOUs to various gamblers and gangsters), and by the time the family discovered "Chet's" compulsion, he had been at it for over two years and had accumulated a debt of over $10,000 - which was a substantial amount in 1850.

Hell, it's a substantial amount these days.

In order to continue playing, "Chet" had signed markers, and several of them had come due (with interest) and several unsavory gentlemen wanted their money, and they wanted it immediately. Or they wanted "Chet" so they could extract a pound or two of flesh.

So, the family held a family meeting, and decided the best thing to do was to get "Chet" out of the country, preferably as far away as possible, preferably to somewhere in which Poker was unknown.

The family had contributed a substantial amount of money to the the 1848 campaign of Zachary Taylor, and so decided to cash in a chip (pun intended). A telegraph was sent to the President requesting a meeting, and a reply was received indicating the he (Taylor) was grateful for the campaign contribution and would be willing to meet with family members at the White House to discuss a possible remedy to the "Chet" dilemma. So a delegation of the family members boarded a train and arrived in Washington D.C. on July 10th, 1850.

However, Taylor died July 9th.

However, Millard Fillmore, Taylor's Vice-President who succeeded him as President was also aware of the family's campaign contributions (and was also grateful), and so met with the family delegation on July 12th. Fillmore was sympathetic to the family's situation, having a "black sheep" cousin himself. Fillmore referred the matter to then Secretary of State John Clayton, who it turned out had several "black sheep" family members. Clayton arranged an appointment for "Chet" to work at the American Consulate in Shanghai, China.

The family was most grateful.

On September 2nd, 1850, "Chet" boarded (some say forcefully) the M.S.Spitz, a somewhat aging Clipper ship bound for Shanghai via Rio de Janeiro, Cape Town, Bombay, Singapore, and Manilla. The ship averaged about 6 knots (about 7 mph).

Yes, "Chet" was placed on a slow boat to China.

"Chet" arrived in Shanghai February 10th, 1851. After meeting (briefly) with the Consul General (Clayton Middleton III) he has turned over to the consul's executive assistant, who assigned "Chet" the job of "cultural liaison," which meant going to meeting and other events at the other international consulates.

The ones that the Consul General didn't want to go to himself.

One such event was the 40th wedding anniversary of Sir Commodore James R. L. Chatham-Smythe (British Naval Liaison) and his lovely wife Elizabeth, held at their residence that overlooked Taihi Lake. It was here that "Chet" met General Jiang, Military attache from the Imperial Chinese Army to the British Delegation in Shanghai. Jiang was talking with George Baldwin (British Banking) regarding the "new American game of Poker" that was becoming popular in Shanghai (and elsewhere in the Orient).

"Chet" quickly introduced himself, and soon he and General Jiang were involved in a lengthy conversation on the merits of poker. Jiang told "Chet" that he, along with a few other Chinese potentates, had a weekly "friendly" poker game. He explained it was a "small stakes" game, and perhaps "Chet" would like to join them.

"Chet" accepted.

The game was held the following Thursday in a private room upstairs above Madame Wang's Tea House (and Gift Shop). Because Jiang was the only member of the potentate poker group that spoke English, "Chet" arrived with Mister Wu, his translator and personal assistant/valet. Other members of the potentate poker group were:

• Chen Weising, Deputy Minister of Agriculture,
• Fu Zhouzhang, Lieutenant Governor of Pungchow Province,
• Xing Yinhang, president of the First National Bank of the Orient,
• and Zhang Chengshì, Mayor of Shanghai.

Tea was served, and "Chet" was issued $1000 worth of poker chips. "Small stakes" has a different meaning to wealthy oriental autocrats than it does to a low level member of the embassy staff, and "Chet" soon found himself involved in a game of poker that was  higher staked than he originally thought, and the first $1000 was lost in about 45 minutes.

I mentioned "Chet' wasn't good at playing poker?

He "wasn't good" at the rate of of $13 per minute,  and he soon found himself down $2500.

His salary at the consulate was $115 per month. 

You can see where this was not good. 

The climax of the game came towards the end of the evening when a particular pot grew, and grew. The potentates were betting, and raising, in a rapid flurry of Chinese

Ah min! Ah jie! Ah zhong! Ah mao! Ah gou!

"Chet" was dealt four cards to a straight, so he stayed in, matching bets and raises despite the odds of drawing to an inside straight are 47 to 1.

As I said, "Chet" was not good at Poker. 

 Finally, bets were equalized. The pot had reached almost $5000 ($800 of it put in by our "hero"). Cards were drawn and "Chet" asked for one. Betting started up again

Ah tiao! Ah le! Ah lan! Ah duo! Ah huli!

"Chet" picked up his card and looked at it. Of course, it was not the carded he needed. 

Oh, @#$%!!! he thought.

Except he didn't didn't just think it. He said it. Out loud. 

The room suddenly became completely quite. "Chet" looked up and found five pairs of   eyes staring at him. At first he didn't understand what was going on, then he realized what he had said. Then a cold chill ran down his spine.

Oh, @#$%!!! he though. I have just insulted the potentates! I have just created an international incident.

Suddenly, all five of the Chinese dignitaries began talking at once, very fast. "Chet" was certain the worst had indeed occurred. But then Fu Zhouzhang (Lieutenant Governor of Pungchow Province) began to push the pile of chips towards "Chet."

Mr Wu ("Chet's" translator and personal assistant) leaned forward and examined his hand.

"Well played, honorable sir." Wu said. "Your one million dollar bluff was excellently played."