The Canine Democratic Republic

With Independence Day coming up, I thought I should at least say something relevant. But how do you top last years Barbecuing, Beer, and the Fourth of July?

Ever heard of a micronation?

The Principality of Sealand, located in

the North Sea off the coast of Suffolk,

England (UK),consists of what was a

former Sea Fort from the World War 2.

A micronation, sometimes referred to as a model country or new country project, is an entity that claims to be an independent nation or state but is not officially recognized by world governments or major international organizations. Micronations are distinguished from imaginary countries and from other kinds of social groups (such as eco-villages, campuses, tribes, clans, sects, and residential community associations) by expressing a formal and persistent, even if unrecognized, claim of sovereignty over some physical territory. Several micronations have issued coins, flags, postage stamps, passports, medals, and other items, which are rarely accepted outside of their own community.

The smallest micronation that I know of (and the shortest lived) is, or was, the Canine Democratic Republic.

It all started when the dogs decided that they wanted to go to the park.

And for those of you who do not know, my dogs are: Freedom (oldest), Sarah (female) and Macky Rae (youngest).

My dog's love going to the park.

However, I had other plans for the day, such as grocery shopping. The dogs got upset, and started complaining. Nothing I said would settle them down, so finally I had to come up with a clever way to end the discussion.

"We'll vote on it." I said. "All in favor of going to the park raise your hand."

"Dad" Macky told me. "We don't have hands"

"O.K." I said. "We'll vote on it. All in favor of going to the park raise your hand. Or paw."

Three paws came up.

"All opposed?"

And I raised my hand.

"Looks like I win."

"Hey!" Macky yelled.

"You didn't win" Sarah said.

"I did too" I insisted.

"Dad" Freedom told me. "You only got one vote, yours. There's three of us, and we voted for the park. That means you lose - three to one."

"Yeah!" Macky added.

"But you are forgetting one very important thing" I said.

"What's that?" Freedom asked.

"In this country, you have to be at least eighteen years old to vote."

My dogs are seven, five, and three.

"So the only vote that counted was mine, and I voted against the park"

"That is not fair!" Macky howled.

"It's in the constitution" I said.


I thought I was rather clever, and continued to think so as I was off running my errands.

With Independence Day coming up, the History Channel has been showing a variety of programs about the Declaration of Independence, American Revolution, and those persons involved in one, the other, or both. And we watched as many of them as we could. As you are probably aware (if you have been following this blog) that my dogs enjoy educational programs. Especially Macky Rae.

Sarah not as much, but we checked out a copy of The Patriot, so she was happy.

But all this educational material may have given them some ideas.

Not George.

---

Trivia question: Who was the first president of the United States?

No, it wasn't George Washington.

Answer at the end of this blog entry.

---

When I returned from the store, I was stopped in the doorway by Sarah.

SARAH: Sir, May I see your passport?

ME: My what?

SARAH: Your passport.

ME: Why do I need a passport?

SARAH: You must have a passport when you cross an international boundary?

ME: Excuse me?

SARAH: You are no longer in the united States.

ME: Then where am I?

Canine Democratic Republic.

SARAH: The Canine Democratic Republic.

ME: What is that?

SARAH: Our new country.

ME: I don't have a passport.

SARH: Then you can't come in

ME: But I live here.

The "Che" hat was first featured
in The Call of the Wild.

SARAH: Security!

Immediately, Macky Rae emerged from the back room, wearing his "Che Guavara" beret.

SARAH: This man doesn't have a passport.

MACKY: Then he can't come in

SARAH: But he says he lives here...

MACKY: He still needs a passport.

SARAH: ...and he has groceries.

MACKY: Hmmm. I'll go ask the "Chairman."

And with that, he turned around and went back into the other room.

ME: The "Chairman?"

SARAH: Yes sir. "Chairman" Freedom is the leader of the interim council of the provisional government of the Canine Democratic Republic.

I was not going to ask.

SARAH: He founded the revolution.

So much for "Man's best friend."

Macky returned from the other room

MACKY: The "Chairman" said that he may enter. He is to be a resident evil...

FREEDOM: [Yelling from the backroom] Resident alien!

MACKY: ...and he can come and go with this.

I was given a green card. Literally. It was a green 3x5 card with a dog-print on it.

It was going to me an interesting day.


What happened was this: After I left, they decided to have a meeting in order to discuss their options. They discussed their options until 11am, then took a break to watch The Price Is Right.

My dogs enjoy The Price Is Right. They are also fans of Drew Carey and were very please when he was chosen to replace Bob Barker.

After The Price Is Right was over, they ate lunch, then resumed their meeting in order to discuss their options.

Which weren't many.

Then, inspired by the copy of The Patriot that was sitting on the coffee table, Freedom came up with an idea.

Revolution!

There logic (and you can't fault them for this) was that, since U.S. law prohibited them from voting, if they formed their own country, they could make their own laws, vote, and (in theory) go to the park.

The dogs tried to write up a declaration, but since it is hard to type with paws (and they were on a short timetable) they opted instead to print a copy of the Declaration of Independence, and where is said "King George" the crossed it out and wrote in "Dad."

They also had a "Tea Party." I discovered my canister of Earl Grey floating in Macky Rae's plastic swimming pool, along side his rubber duck.

Because they knew I would be home soon, the opted to form an interim government to be governed by a three-man dog council, and then appointed themselves to the council.
qe
The first order of business was to elect a chairman. The considered chairdog but decided it sounded to weird. They then voted on who would be the "Chairman."

It was a three way tie.

Realizing voting wasn't going to work, they referred the matter to a sub-committee (themselves) to resolve the issue. The sub-committee (themselves) then decided to have Freedom proclaimed "Chairman" by unanimously because he came up with the idea. The sub-committee (themselves) then referred the proposal to the committee (themselves). The committee (themselves) considered the proposal, and after voting to accept the proposal, they voted (unanimously) to elect Freedom as the "Chairman."

Freedom (the "Chairman") then appointed Macky Rae as Sergeant-at-Arms (security) and Sarah as the INS agent.

And that's about as far as they had gotten when I arrived home with the groceries.

It was going to me an interesting day.

---

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

~Frank Zappa

---

Macky had gone over to the computer, and was busy typing clicking, and growling.

ME: Are you playing ZombieLand™?

MACKY: No, I am googling.

ME: What are you googling?

MACKY: How to make beer.

ME: Why do you need to know that?

MACKY: So we can join the union.

SARAH: He means the U.N.

MACKY: That's what I said.

SARAH: We need to be a real country to join the U.N.

MACKY: So we are going to make beer.

ME: So how does making beer get you into the U.N.?

SARAH: You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

MACKY: And an airline.

SARAH: It helps if you have some kind of a football team...

MACKY: We're going to play soccer.

SARAH: ...or some nuclear weapons...

MACKY: I am going to be the goalie

SARAH: ...but at the very least you need a beer.

ME: And you found this information online?

SARAH: Macky found it.

ME: I don't doubt that.

I decided not to tell my canines that they were getting political information from a dead rock musician, who is best remembered for naming his kids Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet and Diva Muffin.

I wonder how they plan to come up with

an airline.

Or nuclear weapons.

At this point, I needed a soda, so (taking my "green card" with me) I left and walked down to the Zip-E-Mart for a 48 ounce Mt. Dew. Maybe, when I got back, maybe the dogs would have got bored with the dog nation thing.

Nope.

When I returned, I was stopped by Sarah, who let me in after I showed her my green card.

ME: Can I speak with the "Chairman?"

SARAH: You'll need an appointment.

ME: And how do I get an appointment?

SARAH: You ask his secretary, and if he is free, you'll get an appointment.

ME: Who is his secretary?

SARAH: That would be me.

ME: Why didn't you tell me that at the beginning.

SARAH: You didn't ask.

ME: Can I get an appointment.

SARAH: I'll see if the "Chairman" is available.

Sarah went into the back room, and returned a moment later with Macky Rae following her.

SARAH: I'm afraid the "Chairman" can not see you right now. He's busy.

ME: Busy?

SARAH: Yes sir. He is currently busy contemplating the future of the Canine Democratic Republic.

ME: Contemplating?

SARAH: Yes sir, contemplating? Isn't that right Macky

MACKY: If contemplating means taking a nap, then yes he is.

SARAH: The "Chairman" is not napping, he's contemplating!

MACKY: But his eyes are closed and...

SARAH: He's contemplating!

MACKY: OK.

SARAH: Sir, you will need to make your appointment late.

What an interesting day.

Realizing that if I wanted my apartment back, I would have to come up with something clever...

No, not clever

Being clever was how this whole thing started.

I was going to do something ingenious.

I decided to order a Pizza.

As you may recall from the previous blog, the "revolutionaries" love pizza.

So I ordered a Pizza. And since I didn't want to go all the way to Lorenzo's, I had it delivered.

Lorenzo's Supreme Meat Lover's Deluxe (their favorite) with an order of Cheezy Bread and two liters of Mountain Dew.

They say that dogs have a 6th sense, because while I was waiting outside (with my "green card") the three of them suddenly appeared in the front window almost a full minute before the delivery person arrived.

I paid for the pizza, and then removed a slice, and began eating it in front of them.

Noses pressed up against the glass.

One of the noses appeared in the doorway

MACKY: Hey Dad. Are you going to eat all that pizza?

ME: Yes, I am.

MACKY: That's a very big pizza.

ME: It is.

MACKY: You might need some help eating it all.

ME: I think I can handle it. Although, you know what I could do?

MACKY: [hopefully] What's that?

ME: I could eat some of it, and then put the rest in the fridge for tomorrow.

MACKY: [despondently] Yeah, I guess you could.

ME: Or, you know what else I could do?

MACKY: [hopefully] What's that?

ME: I could have Bob and Ray come over and help me eat the pizza.

Bob and Ray are a pair of Yorkshire Terriers who live across the street from us. Yorkies are not the brightest crayons in the AKC crayon box, but these two are dumb even by Yorkie standards.

Macky Rae is not fond of either one of them. He refers to them as "those two dorkies." Needless to say, suggesting that they could eat the pizza that he wanted did not sit well with him.

ME: Do you think Bob and Ray like pizza?

MACKY: [depressed] Yeah, I guess so.

ME: Hey Macky.

MACKY: [less hopeful] Yeah Dad?

ME: I am thinking of starting my own country. Do you know what I am going to call it?

MACKY: [curious] No, what?

ME: The Kingdom of I like Pizza.

MACKY: Really?

ME: Really. Do you want to come live in my country

MACKY: Well...

ME: And eat pizza?

MACKY: OK

That was easy. I handed Macky a slice. He began to chow down.

One down, two to go.

In the window, I could see anguish in Sarah's face as she watch Macky chowing down on a slice of pizza. Sarah was struggling with the inner turmoil between loyalty to the ideological tenets of the Canine Democratic Republic and the canine instinct to eat meat.

The struggle lasted lest than thirty seconds.

Instinct won.

She disappeared from the window, only to reappear in the doorway a moment later.

I removed a slice of pizza from the box, and held it towards her.

ME: Sarah, I am thinking of starting my own country....

SARAH: I heard.

Sarah came over and took (snatched) the slice from my hand, and began chowing.

Two down, one to go.

Freedom held on for several minutes, but with his entire nation defecting. He accepted the inevitable, and joined us for pizza.

The Canine Democratic Republic was dissolved at 7:41pm

---

George Washingtom was the first elected president.

John Hanson was elected President of the Continental Congress in November of 1781, and became the first president to serve a one-year term under the provisions of the Articles of Confederation. While George Washington is universally recognized by historians as the first President of the United States formed under the United States Constitution, Hanson (and seven others) served a president before the Constitution was written.

---

Radio Contests, Car Washes, and Pizza

People started coming up to me and asking me how I get my dog's fur so shiny.           I tell them Turtle Wax.

We usually listen to the "Classic Rock" station at the house. The reason for this is that it is the only station that we can agree to listen to, as my dogs all have different music tastes. Macky Rae prefers Hard Rock, especially Heavy Metal. Sarah likes some pop, but enjoys Country and Western and Folk Music. Freedom prefers listening to Jazz and Blues - and NPR.

"Alex, I'd like squeaky
toys for $500"

We all like "Classic Rock" so that's what we usually listen to at the house.

Except in the morning, when we listen to one of the "pop" station. We aren't so much interested in the top 40, per se, as we are the trivia contest the morning guys have.

We like trivia, especially Freedom who is very good at trivia. Two of his favorite shows are Jeopardy and Who Wants to be a Millionaire.

So how it works is that you listen to the morning show, and sometime between 8:00 and 10:00, when they announce the trivia contest, and if you are the seventh caller, they will ask you a trivia question. And if you give them the correct answer, you win the daily prize, as well as having your name announced on the air and getting entered in the drawing for the grand prize.

In all honesty, the daily prizes aren't really all that great. They are usually donated by the sponsors, stuff like a free carpet steamer rental.

But we are not really trying for the daily prize. What we want to do is win a daily prize so we can be registered for the grand prize drawing. Grand prize is a trip to Disneyland. We want to go to Disneyland - The Happiest Place On Earth.

Especially Macky Rae. Being 3 1/2 he really wants to Disneyland. Most kids his age do, regardless of whether they are human or canine

He wants to meet Pluto.

So one morning, we were listening to the morning show, waiting for the announcement which occurred at 8:53, and it could not have come at a worse time.

I was "indisposed" at the time.

Sarah (my female) panicked when they announced that it was time to call and I wasn't near the phone, and kept yelling "Dad! Get out here or we'll miss our chance." Freedom (my oldest) remained calm, and jumped up on the coffee table, retrieved my cell phone and brought it to me as I exited the facilities.

 

Happy Dance

I pressed 4 (speed dial to the station).

Thank to the dogs, I have the station's phone number on speed dial.

The phone rang. And rang. And rang.

Usually, we miss it being the seventh caller. Today, however, was our day - finally. We were caller number seven.

The dogs were excited.

Macky Rae did his happy dance.

So I was asked the usual questions, like my name, etc. Then we came down to the big moment, the moment or truth:

The Daily Trivia Question.

Usually, the trivia questions are not very hard. In fact sometimes, they are down-right easy.

Last week, one of the questions was "Who is buried in Grant's Tomb."

And the caller didn't know the answer!

So the guy on the phone asked me if I was ready for the question, and I said "sure."



This shirt is available at
CafePress.com

"What" he asked "is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

"What" I replied "the f--- kind of question is that?"

OK, I didn't say that, but I thought it. What I said was "Huh?"

The radio guy asked the question, again.

 

"Dad" Freedom whispered. "Ask him if he means European or African."

 

"Huh?" I responded.

 

"Just ask" Freedom insisted. So I asked.

The guy said European.

Then Freedom told me to ask "metric" or "english?" So I did.

The guy said "english."

Freedom then told me the answer was 24 miles per hour. I repeated that to the guy on the radio.

And it was right.

I told you Freedom was good at trivia.

They guy then congratulated me on answering the daily question, and after taking down my name and address (for the grand prize drawing) told me I could pick up my daily prize at the station's main office any time between 9am and 5pm (Monday thru Friday), which I did that afternoon.

So, what did I win?

The prize was a free car wash at the Wishy Washy Car Wash (on Walla Walla Street), which would have been a great prize, except I didn't own a car.

 

So I got to thinking:
My dogs hate bath, and I covered this in an earlier blog entry (My Dogs on Bathing, Eating, and Religion). Perhaps instead of washing my (non-existent) car, maybe I could use the facility to wash my dogs.

Why waste the prize, right?

• Ham
• Sausage
• Bacon
• Canadian Bacon
• Capicola
• Prosciutto
• Italian Sausage
• Beef
• Hamburger
• Chicken
• Extra bacon
• Provolone Cheese
• Asiago Cheese
• Parmesan Cheese
• Anchovies

So I told them my idea, and I more or less lost them at "bath." I explained to them that this would be adventurous, but again I lost them at "bath." I tried a variety of approaches (and lost them each time at "bath") and finally I told them we would go to Papa Lorenzo's Ristorante Italiano and pick up a pizza afterwords.

That got there attention.

My dog's like Pizza. But who doesn't?

I can usually get my dogs to go along with anything I come up with, as long as I include Pizza. They are quite fond of Lorenzo's Supreme Meat Lover's Deluxe...

Fifteen different animal products!

Actually only fourteen. The dogs don't like anchovies. But who does?

...with an order of Cheezy Bread and two liters of Mountain Dew.

The Dew is for me.

---

The word pizza originates from the Latin verb pìnsere ("to press") and from the Greek pitta (derived from ancient Greek pēktos, πηκτός, meaning "solid" or "clotted"). The ancient Greeks covered their bread with oils, herbs and cheese. In Byzantine Greek, the word was spelled πίτα, pita, or πίττα, pitta, meaning pie. The word has also spread to Romanian as pită, Turkish as pide, and Bulgarian, Bosnian, Croatian, Macedonian and Serbian as pita, Albanian as pite and Modern Hebrew pittāh.The Romans developed placenta, a sheet of dough topped with cheese and honey and flavored with bay leaves.
 
Modern pizza originated in Italy as the Neapolitan flatbread.
 
A popular urban legend holds that the archetypal pizza, Pizza Margherita, was invented in 1889, when the Royal Palace of Capodimonte commissioned the Neapolitan pizzaiolo Raffaele Esposito to create a pizza in honor of the visiting Queen Margherita. Of the three different pizzas he created, the Queen strongly preferred a pie swathed in the colors of the Italian flag: red (tomato), green (basil), and white (mozzarella). Supposedly, this kind of pizza was then named after the Queen as Pizza Margherita, though recent research casts doubt on this legend.
 
Pizza migrated to America with the Italians. After World War II many returning soldiers who were stationed in Italy created a high demand for the pizza they encountered and tasted in Italy. Pizza in this day and age has no limitations. It can be deep-dish pizza, stuffed pizza, pizza pockets, pizza turnovers, rolled pizza, pizza-on-a-stick, all with combinations of sauce and toppings limited only by one's inventiveness.
 
In 1905, the first pizza establishment in the United States was opened in New York's Little Italy. Due to the wide influence of Italian immigrants in American culture, the U.S. has developed regional forms of pizza, some bearing only a casual resemblance to the Italian original. Chicago has its own style of a deep-dish pizza. Detroit also has its unique twice-baked style, with cheese all the way to the edge of the crust, and New York City's thin crust pizzas are well-known. St. Louis, Missouri uses thin crusts and rectangular slices in its local pizzas, while New Haven-style pizza is a thin crust variety that does not include cheese unless the customer asks for it as an additional topping.

---

 

This was the only other person using the Wishy

Washy Car Wash (on Walla Walla Street) when

we arrived.

Many of you will no doubt be disappointed to learn

that she has no part in this story.

So we got up the next day, and marched down to the Wishy Washy Car Wash (on Walla Walla Street).

We walked because (as I mentioned) I don't have a car.

It was a short walk to Wishy Washy Car Wash (on Walla Walla Street). It was around 10:00 on a Wednesday, not a very busy time for car washing. There was only one other person there so we mostly had our pick of the wash bays. Macky Rae selected bay #4.

Long time fans of this blog may recall (from Lottery Tickets, Giant Redwoods, and Pirates) that his favorite number is 4.

Macky volunteered to go first.

When viewed in an inertial

reference frame, an object

remains at rest unless acted

upon by an external force.

Actually it wasn't so much as he volunteered as he was nudged by Freedom and Sarah.

By "nudged" I mean they shoved him forward when I asked who wanted to be first.

Macky has always been the most adventurous of my dogs.

And the most gullible.

He stood (trustingly) in the middle of the wash bay as I adjusted the sprayer and squeezed the handle. I failed to account for certain basics of physics, particularly Newton's First Law of Motion, and the water pressure shot Macky tumbling thirty feet out of the wash bay. He let out a squeal as the rolled, very similar to R2D2 when he gets grazed by a laser shot.

The facial expression on the other two dogs was priceless. It was the canine version of Buckwheat from the Little Rascals.

Fans of the Our Gang will remember who Buckwheat was.

When he stopped tumbling and was able to regain his feet, he returned (albeit with wobbly legs) to the wash bay, his only comment was "whoa!"

 

He stood (nervously) in the middle of the wash bay as I re-adjusted the sprayer and squeezed the handle. This time, he was not ejected from the wash bay and I was able to thoroughly wet his fur.

 

The other two followed (albeit reluctantly) and soon I had three thoroughly dampened canines. We were ready for step two:

 

Lather

 

Turning the dial to the "soap" setting, I proceeded to spay the dogs with a stream of warm, soapy water. I failed to consider the machine was preset for an automobile (average 1.5 tons) and not for three Pomeranian (average 5 pounds). I proceeded to make a large pile of soapy foam.

And that when I (temporarily) lost the dogs.

Not really lost, I knew they were in the big pile of foam, somewhere. I probed around in the foam with the end of the sprayer, but didn't detect them.

That's when I noticed three smaller piles of foam sneaking out of the wash bay.

I quickly herded the three smaller piles of foam back into the middle of the wash bay, and proceeded to step three:

 

Scrub

 

The brush on the end of the sprayer was a bit larger than what would be required for three small dogs, but they didn't complain - much.

In fact, Macky asked me to scrub him a second time, because he had an itchy

They hate baths.

Once I scrubbed the accumulated grit and grime from the dogs, I proceeded with step four:

 

Rinse

Assuring myself (and the dogs) that the spray was still set on it's lowest pressure setting, I thoroughly rinsed the three smaller piles of foam, transforming them back into dogs, albeit wet dogs.

 

Step Five:

 

Wax

 

At this point, I was not exactly paying attention, and I was as surprised as the pooches when I turned the dial to the next setting, only to have the sprayer emit a mist of car wax.

You were wondering where the Turtle Wax would come into this story.

At first I was alarmed, but then I decided that if the could handle the soap, they could handle the wax.

 

They were out of Armor All, or I would have used that on them as well.

I wonder if you can Scotch Guard your pets. I'll have to try that during the rainy season. It worked on my coat.

Step Six:

Dry 

 

The dogs enjoyed this part, partially because of the warm, relaxing air

and partially because the ordeal was now coming to a conclusion.

Step Seven:

Pizza 



So washed, lathered, scrubbed, rinse, dried, and waxed, we were ready to walk down to Papa Lorenzo's Ristorante Italiano for the Supreme Meat Lover's Deluxe (Family Sized) and Cheezy Bread and Mountain Dew.

The "Dew" is for me.

It was a short walk from Wishy Washy Car Wash (on Walla Walla Street) to Papa Lorenzo's Ristorante Italiano. It was now around noon-thirty.

Lunch time!

"Hello, Mr. Lorenzo!" Macky said as soon as we walked inside.

 

"Buon Giorno!" Lorenzo greeted us in his Italian accent. "Itsa my most favoritest customers."

 

"We came for lunch" Sarah told him.

 

"And what would you like for lunch?"

 

"Pizza!" the three of them said.

 

"But of course. No one loves my pizza more than you three. I go back and start your Supreme Meat Lover's Deluxe"

 

"Family Sized" Macky reminded him.

 

"And no anchovies" Sarah told him.

 

"We don't like anchovies" Freedom explained.

 

"Who does?" Lorenzo responded as he went into the kitchen.

 

We seated ourselves at our favorite table (near the window) and in the back we could hear Mr. Lorenzo singing in Italian.

An interesting fact about Mr. (and Mrs.) Lorenzo: Although they are Italian, they are not from Italy. They were both born in Portland, Oregon.

Mr. Lorenzo received a sizable inheritance from his grandfather, and they decided to use it to open a restaurant. After three years they were on the verge of failure until Larry adopted the Italian accent. Shortly afterwards their business increased nearly 300%.

I leave you to draw your own conclusions about this

Mrs. Lorenzo emerged from the kitchen with and order of Cheezy bread...

And a Mountain Dew for me

...and greeted us warmly.

"Ah! Signore Doug" she said. "Is so good to see you again. And look, you bring the bambinos. They look so grazioso. My goodness! How do you get their fur so shiny?"

 

Turtle Wax!