Dog Trek

I came home the other day and found my living room full of dogs, lounging on the furniture and eating popcorn. Not just my dogs, but about two dozen other assorted dogs of assorted sizes ranging from Labrador to Chihuahua.

No, this wasn't a meeting of the 12th Dog Association

Although this was (more or less) the same group of dogs (and Cat) that occasionally gather in my home to watch the Seahawk game, I knew this was not the reason for the gathering. For one, there was no Seahawk game scheduled that day, and instead of Seahawk jerseys they were all wearing "classic" Star Trek shirts.

Alien Chronicles: Expendable Ensign

Another episode from my unpublished book/TV series Alien Chronicles

FSC Leif Ericson
42 officers, 450 crewmen, 150 scientists

Dramatis Personae

Captain Horton - Commanding officer. Although he graduated 186th in his class at the Academy (out of 282), he is smart enough not to beam down to unknown and/or hostile planets. Species: Human.

Lt (SG) Kermad d'Frok - Logistics Officer. Kermad is an Anurian, an amphibious race of creatures from the 3rd planet (Anura) of the Rana system, which is located in the Henson star cluster. Three and a half feet tall and frog-like in appearance, the best way to briefly describe Kermad's (or other Anurians') appearance is to imagine what Kermit the frog would look like if he used anabolic steroids.

Lt (SG) Mackarae - Chief of Computer Operations. Known as "Mack" to his fellow officers, he is a Madran, a dog-like race from a planet in the Txakurra system. He stands about 4 3/4 feet tall, making him the second shortest being on the ship - the shortest being d'Frok.

Lt (JG) Kainen Keijo - Head of the Science Department. From Aldeberan, resembling a tolkienesque elf, except with blueish-grey skin. Androgynous in appearance, Keijo may be either male, female, both, or neither. Due to Captain Horton's policy regarding transgendered crewman, Keijo has been seen using both men's and ladies' bathrooms (so that cannot be used to ascertain Keijo's gender).

Robert "Bob" Rosenkrantz and Raymond "Ray" Guildenstern - two of the ship's security personel.

Ensign Dukane - appliance repairman and expendable crewman



Captains Log: We are in orbit around Montego VI. The Federation has sent us to investigate the lose of communications from a research station on the planet.

CAPTAIN: Any response from the planet?

COMMUNICATIONS: No sir.

CAPTAIN: Hmmm. Mr. D'Frok.

D'FROK: Yes sir?

CAPTAIN: I want you to lead an away team down to the Montego station to investigate. Take Lt. Mackarae, Lt Keijo, and... Yeoman, who is next on the expendable Ensign list?

YEOMAN: [looking at her computer tablet] Next up is Ensign Dukane.

CAPTAIN: What's his specialty?

YEOMAN: Appliance repair.

CAPTAIN: Seriously?

D'FROK: I'll need a couple of security officers.

YEOMAN: Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern are available

D'FROK: They'll do

CAPTAIN: Just remember to keep them safe. We need to avoid issues with the Security Force Union - they are worse than the teamsters.

D'FROK: Aye, sir

d'Frok turns and exits the bridge.

Scene: Hallway

Ships personnel are moving purposefully in the corridors.

VOICE: May I have your attention please, this is the Captain. The following people report to transporter room 4: Mackarae, Keijo, Guildenstern, Rosenkrantz, and Dukane.

Scene: Transporter Room 4

d'Frok enters and looks around

D'FROK: Is everyone here?

MACKARAE: Dukane is missing.

d'Frok walks over to the side and pushes the button next to the intercom speaker.

DFROK: Ensign Dukane, report.

d'Frok waits a few moments, and gets no reply. He pushes another button.

D'FROK: Computer, locate Ensign Dukane.

VOICE: Ensign Dukane is in his quarters, hiding under his bed.

d'Frok turns, shaking his head.

D'FROK: [To the security officers] You two go get him.

Guildenstern and Rosenkrantz exit the room.

D'FROK: Great Bird of the Galaxy, we don't have time for this. We only have an hour each episode.

MACKARAE: That only gives us 43 minutes after you factor in commercials, and opening and closing credits

KEIJO: 42 point 857 minutes

d'Frok and Mackarae give him (or her, or it) a questioning look.

KEIJO: Approximately.

D'FROK: The point is, we don't have time for this.

Scene: Hallway

Guildenstern and Rosenkrantz walk up to a door, open it, and step inside. Moments later they re-emerge, dragging Dukane between them by the arms.

Scene: Transporter Room 4

Guildenstern and Rosenkrantz enter, still dragging Dukane.

DUKANE: No, no. I don't want to die.

Guildenstern and Rosenkrantz step onto the transporter and drop Dukane unto the floor. d'Frok, Mackarae, and Keijo then also step onto the transporter.

D'FROK: Mr. O'Reilly, beam us down.

The transporter begins humming.

Lt Mackarae looks down at Dukane, who is still laying on the floor, crying.

MACKARAE: You are such a wuss.

A bright light, and the crew fades away

Scene: On the planet, the main control room of the research station

Humming, then the crew materializes in the middle of the room.

The team begins to look around, except for Dukane who remains laying on the floor. d'Frok stand over him and scowls.

D'FROK: Stand up you wuss.

 Dukane stands up, slowly

D'FROK: What is wrong with you?

DUKANE: [Sobbing] I don't want to die.

D'FROK: Your not going to die

DUKANE: The Expendable Ensign always dies.

MACKARAE: Not always. According to the Alien Chronicles fan page, there have been 64 expendable ensigns since the first episode, but only 37 have died. So your odds of living are better than 50/50

KEIJO: 57 point 8125 percent

Mackarae turns towards Keijo

MACKARAE: Approximately?

KEIJO: Exactly

D'FROK: The point is, Dukane, is you might live.

MACKARAE: And you might become a re-occuring character.

DUKANE: Really?

MACKARAE: Sure! That's what happened to O'Reilly. He even got promoted to Lieutenant.

DUKANE: That would be awesome.

D'FROK: Now, be awesome and go check out that dark, unlit hallway.

Dukane walks over to the hallway, then stops suddenly at the doorway and falls to the floor. There is what appears to be a harpoon in his chest.

D'FROK: What the @#$%?

MACKARAE: Holy %$#@!!

Laser fire comes from the hallway. The surviving crewmen hide behind furniture. The security officers begin firing laser into the hallway. Return fire comes back from the hallway.

D'FROK: We haven't been down here for two minutes, and he's already dead?

MACKARAE: That must be a new record.

D'FROK: So much for becoming a re-occurring character

KEIJO: What was that in his chest?

MACKARAE: It looked like a harpoon.

D'FROK: A Harpoon?

MACKARAE: Yeah.

d'Frok cautiously peeks over the counter

D'FROK: Wait a minute. That's not right.

d'Frok stands up amidst the laser blasts, making the T gesture with his hands.

D'FROK: Time out! Every one, time out!

The laser blasts abruptly stop.

D'FROK: You in the hallway, come in here for a moment.

Shadows move in the hallway, emerging into the room as two Predators.

KEIJO: They're Predators!

D'FROK: I thought so. I think you guys are lost. This is Alien Chronicles, you guys are on the wrong set.

The predators turn and look at each other, then back towards d'Frok.

MACKARAE: They're not even in the right Studio. Predator is 20th Century Fox, and that's on the other side of town.

One of the predator makes a gurgling sound.

D'FROK: That's OK, everyone makes mistakes now and then.

More gurgling.

D'FROK: Don't worry, I'll drive you there.

Even more gurgling.

D'FROK: It's no problem, I just need to tell my Captain where I'm going. My car is parked behind the building, its the Blue Honda Accord. I'll met you out there in a few minutes.

Predators exit through the door.

MACKARAE: You drive a Honda?

D'FROK: It gets great mileage.

d'Frok takes communicator from his belt.

D'FROK: d'Frok to Captain Horton.

VOICE: Horton hear.

D'FROK: Captain, I found out what happened to the scientists. There is a pair of Predators down here.

VOICE: Predators??

D'FROK: Yeah. They got the wrong set.

VOICE: They got the wrong studio. Predator is 20th Century Fox.

D'FROK: Yeah, I know. I'm going to drive them over there.

VOICE: Very thoughtful of you. Hey, since your going to be over in that part of town, stop and get tacos, enough for the whole crew.

D'FROK: Will do. Oh, by the way: Dukane died.

VOICE: So quickly?

D'FROK: Yeah, not even two minutes before we beamed down.

VOICE: That might be a new record.

Scene: Hallway

Ships personnel are moving purposefully in the corridors.

VOICE: May I have your attention please, this is the Captain. The official time for Ensign Dukane was 1 minute 51 seconds before being killed. Congratulations Lt. Chandra, winner of this week's expendable ensign pool.

Nerds, like me

Last month, Star Trek actor Leonard Nimoy, best known for his role as Spock on Star Trek, died on February 27th died at the age of 83. He will be missed, but as the saying goes he lived long, and prospered. Usually, I am relatively un effected by what goes on in the life of Hollywood celebrities, but as a science fiction nerd, Nimoy's passing saddened me.

Macky Rae, my younger dog, took it hard as well.

Regular readers of this blog are aware that Macky Rae enjoys Science Fiction, and is a big fan of Star Trek.

He is also fond of Dog Movies, "1950s Era Black and White Giant Insect Films," and Zombie Flicks.

Nimoy was also dog lover.

He co-authored a book with

his "best friend" entitled

I Am Not Spock's Dog

Like many Trekkies, Macky Rae was effected by Leonard Nimoy's passing.

Being only five (and a dog) Macky sometimes doesn't distinguish from reality and things he sees on TV and/or in the movies. As such, he did not distinguish that there is a difference between Leonard Nimoy the actor and Mr. Spock the star trek character

But neither could many Trekkies.

Macky asked me why they didn't do the Fal-tor-pan (the re-fusion) and bring Mr. Nimoy bake to life like they did in Star Trek IV: The Search for Spock. I wasn't sure how to explain it to him, so I just told him that you can only do the re-infusion once.

He accepted that.

Spock, Star Trek, and Science fiction had (and still does have) a significant impact on our culture. Here's just one example:

When you go to the doctor, especially during a hospital visit, you may be surrounded by a collection of monitors with display screens which allow the doctors to quickly know your assorted vital signs and other bodily statistical information.

This had it's origins (to some degree) from Dr. McCoy's sick bay

A doctor in the 60s was watching Star Trek and after seeing the Sick Bay thought how nice it would be if, as a doctor, he could just look up at a screen and know his patients vital signs (instead of stopping to take a pulse, or any other time consuming procedure). And the more he thought about it, he began to wonder if it was possible to do something like that then.

He called a friend, who developed medical equipment, and asked "Could we do something like that?"

The technology was there in the 60s for such equipment, but nobody had thought to do it - except for Sci Fi nerds.

This is a common fault amongst doctors, and for that matter everyone else. We become so part of the routine, we fail to see how things can be changed and improved.

The doctor and his friend eventually arranged to visit the sick bay set of Star Trek, observing and taking notes and sketches, and the friend began developing various monitors for heads up displays.

If the Sci Fi nerd has any role in our culture, it is they who say "Hey, wouldn't it be neat if...?" Eventually, someone else says "Yes, it would" and before you know it, something new enters our lives that we didn't realize how much we needed.

Sometimes the nerds themselves come up with the new innovations!

Say what you want, but the most significant technological innovations of the 20th and 21st century were not from those people who were the jocks, or the prom queens, or any of the other so-called popular kids. It was the nerds.



I have been a Sci Fi nerd most of my life. I began reading Sci Fi almost as soon as I could read. And I was watching Star Trek before I even started grade school, and I am talking the original run of the original series.

From Space Dog goes to Mars I moved up to more significant stories and books as my reading ability improved, eventually reaching an adult reading level (by the 8th grade - most Sci Fi nerds have an above average reading ability) .

After graduating High School, I briefly attended Columbia Basin College before enlisting in the Air Force. Another Sci Fi nerd, who I new from gaming, also was attending C.B.C and we would meet up for lunch every day. We eventually spotted other nerds we new from gaming, and they joined us for lunch as well.

Eventually, one of the nerds had a great idea: Let's form a Sci Fi club, and the school will let us have a room for us to be nerds in. So we did the paperwork, got the approval, and put the announcement in the bulletin.

And something weird happened

On Thursday, 11 o'clock, we went to our assigned room, and found that there were other people coming as well. They had read the announcement, and wanted to join the Sci Fi as well.

Nerds, like us.

After returning from my time in the Air Force, I decided to return to C.B.C. and finish my degree. I was introduced to a nerd (through another nerd) who was part of the Sci Fi club - the same one that I and other nerds founded years before. I was invited to visit, and when I arrived at the meeting, I found the room full of Sci Fi people

Nerds, like me

I joined the club (again), eventually being made (breifly) the club president.

It was during this time that I, and the Sci Fi club nerds became involve with Rad Con. For those of you who are not from the Tri-Cities, WA area (or have just not heard of it) Rad Con is a Sci Fi convention - and by Sci Fi I mean science fiction, Tolkienesque fantasy, vampires, werewolves, etc.

Build it, and they will come. And they did. Hundreds.

Nerds, like me.

As a special guest, we invited former congressmen Mike McCormick to be a quest speaker. I won't go into detail, but McCormick was a science guy at Hanford before getting elected to the state legislation, and later to congress. McCormick was impressed with the number of people interested in science and science fiction that were attending the convention.

And I knew what he was thinking: Nerds, like me.

After graduating C.B.C. (twice) I continued on with my normal life - as normal as Sci Fi nerds can be anyhow. One of my friends who also graduated C.B.C. and was part of the Sci Fi club asked me if I wanted to join another Sci Fi type club: The Romulan Internaional Empire (a Star Trek based fan club). Well, I really didn't, but I didn't want to offend him by saying I have better things to do that topretend to be a Romulan once a week, (or however often we would hold meeting), so I said maybe and that I would think about it.

So some time later I got an odd call. And I do mean odd.

The first thing that was wrong was that they called at 9:30 in the morning. Normally, that is not bad. But by profession, I am a cook. Since people generally prefer to eat dinner at dinner time, as a cook I usually work evenings, which means I get off work at !0pm (or later) and don't get to bed until around one of 2 in the morning. This means 9:30 is early for me - the same as 5:30 for normal people.

The man, with a distinct southern accent, ask for me by name and identified himself as Admiral Brok Jomar, stating his "name" and "rank" as if it would mean something to me (it didn't). He said that Commander Hadrian could not be reached because he was on reserve duty and I was listed as the Sub Commander of the Starship Farseer. Eventually it dawned on me: this had something to do with my friend's Romulan club.

The more he talked, the more confused I became. He claimed he attempted to contact Commander Hadron, but he was informed that he was doing his two weeks reserve duty.

OK, now I am starting to see a bit of light. My friend was in the Army reserves, and was away at Ft Lewis for his two weeks. Could this be related...?

Brok said I was the vice president/ sub commander of the club. He needed some info, which I didn't know.

I had just found out that very moment that I was a Romulan.

When my friend got back from his two weeks reserve duty, I asked him about it. What he told me was that he knew I wanted to join so he filled out an application and sent it to the club headquarters. And it gets better: having started the club, he was the President/Commander and he designated me clun Vice President/Sub Commander.

I had ben drafted into the Romulan navy.

So periodically, I met up with the other club members.

Nerds, like me

When I was in the Air Force, I lived in a dormitory, much like those used by college students and prison inmates. There was a holder for a door tag in which you put your Name, Duty Section, and Work Phone. There was olso a section that said comments. I had seen another Airmen write scripture in his (John 3:16) so I decided to write something non-military related as well. What I wrote was

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

which was from the writing H.P.Lovecraft, a horror writer who is credited by Steven King as being a major influence on his writing.

One afternoon, there was a knock on my door, and when I opened it, there was another Airman standing in the hallway. He had seen my door tag comment (and knew the reference) and told me he had to stop and introduce himself as another fan of H.P.Lovecraft.

Even in the Air Force.

Nerds, like me.

So, where does the hour go?

I do not like to fly.

Which is odd when you know that I was in the Air Force, but as it turns out many Air Force jobs require little (if any) flying. I repaired radios.

But I don't like to fly, for a variety of reasons:

The main reason is I don't want to die in an airline crash. Or worse yet, survive a crash only to live the rest of my life horribly mangled and disfigured. Statistically speaking, one is more likely to die in an auto accident, but I have never heard of an auto wreck that occurred because it fell 30,000 feet.

I do not understand completely what makes an airplane stay aloft. I know basic aerodynamics, that more air under the wing makes it go up, etc. But as far as I am concerned, it is all magic. Magic requires belief, and if I think about it too hard, I will realize that it can't work and "poof" the plan drops out of the sky. I think this is the #1 cause of jet crashes - someone on board realized that planes should not be able to fly.

 Other reasons I dislike flying are:

Airplane food sucks. I was forced to eat C-rations, and the first versions of MREs, and quite frankly I would prefer that the stewardess hand out MREs instead of the traditional in-flight meal. Once, I was serve breakfast (an omelet) on an airline that was actually quite good. I panicked, as I thought God had decided to crash the plane, and this was His way of making it up to me. The plane landed safely, however, and I have yet to get another tasty airline meal.

Another thing that bothers me is the pre-takeoff announcement. "In the unlikely event of a water landing, your seat cushion also serves as a flotation device." Unlikely? We are flying over the Rockies! My question is: does the seat cushion also serve as a sled? as I want to slide down the mountain all the way into Denver, where I will board a Greyhound bus to complete my journey, because you do not want to get trapped in the mountains after a plane crash - the other passengers will try to eat you in order to survive!

Twilight Zone:
Nightmare at 20,000 Feet

Gremlins! Remember that Twilight Zone episode (with William Shatner) were the gremlin stated to tear up the engine? Bob Wilson ( Shatner) shoots it with a pistol? How do we know gremlins aren't real?

Turbulence: You are flying smoothly, then suddenly the plane shakes.  The pilot comes on and says "we're sorry, but we are experience a bit of turbulence."

A bit? In California, they measure shaking like this on the Richter scale! If you were driving and you car started to shake like this, you would pull over immediately, as your car was probably about to fall apart. Mr. Shatner, please check to see if another gremlin appeared.

And another thing I dislike about flying is Time Zones. I take a flight from Seattle to Salt Lake City.The plane leaves at noon, and arrives in Salt Lake City an hour. It should be one-thirty (pm), but its not - It's two-thirty. I have lost an hour.

Returning from SLC (leaving at noon), flying for an hour and a half, and arriving at SEA, it is not one-thirty, or two-thirty, but twelve thirty. I got my hour back. But between the two flights, where did the hour go? Who took it?

One's first thought is that it is the airline, but that can't be the case. I once took a Delta flight to Salt Lake City, but returned on United, and still got my hour back. My luggage was missing, but the hour was returned. Obviously, the airlines cannot be trusted with the hours (or my luggage, which wound up in Las Vegas).

The next logical guess would be the FAA, but I have been told that an identical phenomena occurs when riding the train (Amtrak) and the buses (Greyhound), so a more logical answer would be the Department of Transportation (DOT). However, I have not been able to confirm this, as there is nothing on their website, nor have I received a reply to my email inquiry, so the mystery remains.

So where does the hour go? I think it gets taken shortly after takeoff, or (in when flying the opposite direction) gets returned shortly before landing. But what about when you fly another airline, or travel to another destination (such as Salt Lake City to San Francisco)? How does the hour get back to you?

Macky Rae, my youngest dog, has a hypothesis that you don't get the exact same "hour" back, and it has merit. When you withdraw money (cash) from your checking account, you don't get the exact same bills as when you originally deposited the money (cash), but you don't care because one dollar bill works as well as another. Macky Rae thinks it's the same with hours.

So when you fly westward across Time Zones, you get an hour back, one that may have just been collected by someone flying eastward. But you don't care because one hour works as well as another.

The Daylight Savings Time Conspiracy

Another thing that bothers me, similar to the time zone thing is Daylight Savings Time (DST) - spring forward and fall back . Every spring the clocks are set ahead one hour, so at 2 am, it is suddenly 3. We lose an hour. But in the fall, the process is reversed, and the hour comes back.

Who came up with this?

We know from his writings

that Franklin had a sense

of humor. I believe that it is

possible that his proposal

was a joke on the French.

According to Macky Rae (my youngest dog) it was Benjamin Franklin. He looked it up on Wikipedia. During his time as the American envoy to France, he anonymously published a letter suggesting that the French people could economize on candles by rising earlier to use morning sunlight.

The problem is that you don't actually create an extra hour of sunlight. The extra hour of light in the morning means an hour less in the evenings, and any candles that are saved in the morning are going to used in the evening.

Daylight Savings Time was first implemented during the First Word War, and then again during the Second. Apparently, we needed to conserve candles as part of the war effort. After the war, it was more or less optional for the states to use Daylight Savings, but this got confusing so the government (DOT) standardized it.

Arizona and Hawaii do not participate in Daylight Savings, and I believe the reason for this is that these state receive an abundance of daylight and the people in these states do not feel a need to create more.

Either that, or they figured out that DST was  joke on the French.

Sadly, during fall back, when we gain

an hour, the bars and taverns do not

allow an extra hour of drinking - which,

in my humble opinion, would be one of

the best aspects of the whole Daylight

Savings Time system.

So in the spring, we spring forward and set the clocks ahead one hour (thus we "lose" an hour), but in the fall, we fall back and set the clocks back, regaining the lost hour.

But, where does the hour go? And between spring forward and fall back, where is the hour?

If, as I have hypothesised, the Government (DOT) is involved, it can be reasonably assumed that the hours are taken to a government facility, and stored in a warehouse.

I'm not sure how much physical space an hour takes up, probably not much, but when you consider the number of hours collected, it can be assumed that a large amount of space is required. The current population of the United States is approximately 316 million people. Subtract 6.5 million Arizonans and 1.4 million Hawaiians, that leave 308 million hours - 35,160 years! This will require massive space, so we can assume there is not one warehouse, but several. And probably the government has multiple locations across the country.

Another question I have is what happens to the hour for people who die between spring forward and fall back?

Last year, nearly two and one-half million people died last year, half of the between spring forward and fall back. Excluding those who died in Arizona and Hawaii, this comes to roughly 1.2 million people who died and did not get their hour back. 1.2 million hours - this works out to almost 138 years. What happens to these hours? If the government is involved (as I suspect), probably nothing. The hours just remain in the government warehouse(s), collecting dust (if hours can actually collect dust). 138 years, and this is for 2012! DST has been going on for decades, can you imagine how many years have been accumulating? Centuries!

What is done with these hours?

If the government is involved (as I suspect), probably nothing. The can't be returned to their owners, nor are they given to the next of kin. The hours probably just remain in the government warehouse(s), collecting dust (if hours can actually collect dust). 138 years, and this is for 2012! DST has been going on for decades, can you imagine how many years have been accumulating? Centuries!

Wasted time (pun not intended).

Instead of just laying around, these hours should be put to good use, and I have an idea of what the government could do with all the un-returned hours: Ambulances!

You hear about it, or see it on TV shows, where the EMTs arrive, render aid, and transport the patient only to have him (or her) die en route to the hospital. "He would have made it" the doctors say "if he had only arrived a few minutes sooner."

If the EMTs had a surplus hour on had in the ambulance, they could have opened it up on the patient just before he slipped away, and he (or she) would have had plenty of time to get to the hospital.

Hell, the EMTs could even stop by Starbucks for a grande raspberry mocha (other other beverage of choice) and still have time to get the victim to the hospital!



In the military fall back means to temporarily retreat
and regroup around a more dependable position. 



Excert from: The Alien Chronicles

The following is an excerpt from a book that may never finish, or get published. The main character is an alien named Kermad d'Frok, a Lieutenant (SG) in the Federation Navy, currently serving as the Cheif Supply Officer on the exploration cruiser Leif Ericson.



Henson Star Cluster

Kermad is an Anurian, an amphibious race of creatures from the 3rd planet (Anura) of the Rana system,  which is located in the Henson star cluster. Three and a half feet tall and frog-like in appearance, the best way to briefly describe Kermad's (or other Anurians') appearance is to imagine what Kermit the frog would look like if he used anabolic steroids.


FSC Leif Ericson
42 officers, 450 crewmen, 150 scientists

The ship is currently at Starbase 42, preparing to undergo a "five year mission" to explore uncharted space.

The scene: The wardroom on the Ericson.


Kermad enters the room, carrying his personal access device (P.A.D.), and seats himself at one of the tables. There are three other officer already sitting at the table, two humans and a light brown fuzzy alien that resembles a bipedal Pomeranian. The most senior is Lt.Cmdr. Sojan Yossarian, the ship's executive officer. Next to him, across from d'Frok, is Dr. Heidi Graffe, the Chief Medical Officer.

The other officer, the non-human, is Lt (SG) Mackarae, the Chief of Computer Operations. Known as "Mack" to his fellow officers, he was a Madran, a dog-like race from a planet in the Txakurra system. When not seated, stood about 4 3/4 feet tall, making him the second shortest being on the ship, the shortest being d'Frok.

The steward approaches.

"The usual, Mr d'Frok?" the steward asked.

"Yes" d'Frok responded, then added "Make it a double"

The steward nodded, and left.

"Had a hard day?" asked Mack while eating a plate of what appeared to be kibble covered with gravy.

" I have just spent the last 8 hours inventorying and re-inventorying the cargo holds" d'Frok said. "I have no clue what about a quarter of the stuff that was loaded onto this ship, but I am reasonably certain that it is not anything required for usage on a star cruiser. "

"You have to realize" the Executive Officer said "that this is an exploration mission. In addition to regular crewmen, we have about 150 scientist from a variety of fields, and their needs will differ from..."

"Weed whackers!"  d'Frok exclaimed.

"Excuse me?" Yossarian asked.

"Weed whackers" d'Frok repeated. "Cargo hold 35-J contains 144 weed whackers, along with an assortment of farming tools, seeds, and a dozen small vehicles that I believe to be riding lawnmowers."

Yossarian remained silent, unsure how to respond.

"Seriously" d'Frok continued "our ongoing mission: to seek out new life, new civilizations. and to boldly landscape their lawns?"

"OK" Yossarian finally said. "That was no doubt a mistake"

"You think?" d'Frok said sarcastically.

"It was no doubt intended to be delivered to an agricultural colony and got loaded on board in error. Contact the starbase Supply Officer and see how the issue can be rectified."

"Somewhere" Mack commented "there is an Ag-station trying to figure out why they were sent hyperdrive coils."

Dr. Graffe laughed at Mack's comment. d'Frok turned towards her, looking at her unamused.

"You find all this funny?" he asked.

He pressed on his P.A.D. and, after bringing up the desired document, held it up for her to read.

"Medical hold 8" d'Frok announced.

After reading for a moment. her face displayed concern.

"These are veterinary supplies!" she exclaimed.

"Apparently" d'Frok said "if the strange new worlds are inhabited by hostile races, Starfleet expects us to spay and neuter them."

"What means neuter" Mack asked.

d'Frok quickly explained it to him. Mack's facial features showed alarm. Being a canine life form, the concept of neutering seemed to effect him more than normal. d'Frok could not be certain due to his fur, but he believed that the blood had drained from Mack's face.

A Jowshwe,
with a twist of lime

At that moment the steward returned with d'Frok's drink, a Jowshwee. The Jowshwee was brackish green liquor that smelled reminiscent of stagnant water. d'Frok preferred his straight up, with a twist of lime.  He swallowed half the drink in a single gulp.

"You got mail" the steward said, setting a comm-card next to his drink. "From your homeworld."

d'Frok picked it up, and inserted the comm-card into his personal access device, and examined the screen.

"From your family?" Mack asked.

"No, from the Anurian Revenue Service"

"Uh-oh, tax time" Graffe commented.

d'Frok read the message, then his face suddenly showed surprise.

"Great Bird of the Galaxy!" d'Frok exclaimed. "Check this out: The sum of $11,038 has been deposited to your account."

He downed the rest of his drink, and called for another.

"Is that your refund?" the Doctor asked

"Refund?" d'Frok asked. "Refund from what?"

"From your income taxes"

"Anura does not have taxes."

"So how does your government pay it's expenditures?" Graffe inquired. "Where does it get the money?"

"Investment portfolios" d'Frok stated. "Stocks, bonds, commodities, precious metals, etc."

"So what is the $11, 038?"

"That's my dividend" d'Frok said. "My government had a very profitable year."

The Doctor looked confused.

"If I follow this correctly" she said, "if your government makes money, everyone get a check?"

"Of course. As citizens of Anura, we are all entitled to a share of the profits. Doesn't your government issue dividends?"

"No" the Doctor said. "In fact, every year we are required to pay a percentage of our income to the government."

"Seriously?" d'Frok exclaimed. "You mean your government doesn't make profit?" he asked.

"No." the Doctor answered

"In fact" Yossarian added "our government is currently running a 16 trillion dollar deficit."

d'Frok looked startled.

"Sixteen trillion?" he asked.

Yossarian and Graffe both nodded.

"Seriously?" d'Frok asked. "And you re-elect these weasels???"

Big Ass Lizards - and where they went.

Macky Rae, my youngest dog, has become fascinated with dinosaurs. But who can blame him? I doubt that there is a single child under the age of nine that is not fascinated with dinosaurs. Lizards are cool. Big-ass lizards are beyond cool - they are awesome! They even fascinate me and I am almost...  Well, let's just say I am way over the age of nine.

Macky has done a lot of reading about dinos, and watches everything he can find on the educational channels regarding them. He has learned that they first appeared during the Triassic period, approximately 230 million years ago (give or take a few days), and were the dominant terrestrial vertebrates for 135 million years (give or take a few days), from the beginning of the Jurassic (about 201 million years ago, give or take a few days) until the end of the Cretaceous (66 million years ago, give or take a few days), when the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event led to the extinction of most dinosaur groups at the close of the Mesozoic Era.

There are several hypotheses (hypothesii?) and theories as to the demise of the dinosaurs, such as environmental and/or climatic changes, passing comets, disease, etc. But the most accepted theory is a meteor impact. Scientists are even looking for the meteor (or its remains) - which amazes me, because I have a hard time finding my reading glasses five minutes after I set them down. In my own living room. I can just imagine looking for something lost 66 million years ago (give or take a few days) - especially on a world-wide scale.

Macky has a problem understanding the reasons for dino extinction. He doesn't understand a lot of science (but neither do most Americans). His knowledge of science comes primarily from TV, the Discovery Channel and other educational programming, but he is doing rather well considering he is only 2 1/2, as well as being a dog.

There is some science he grasp, and some that he doesn't - like why the light comes on when you open the refrigerator. I tried to explain it to him, but then I realized that I don't understand it all myself, so I told him it was the refrigerator gnome. He then asked where the gnome lived. Kids, always with the questions. But I digress.

Macky's main issue with the meteor theory is that it is too complicated, and he may be right. Quite frankly (according to my dog) the theory does not hold water. In February of this year, Russia was hit by a meteor. If you missed that in the news, there are numerous videos on YouTube that are available for viewing. Macky argues that the meteor did not cause the Russians to become extinct, and as far as I know he is right. I don't know for sure, because I personally have not checked to see if the Russians are still there, but I would think that if the did become extinct there would have been something mentioned on the news (and there hasn't been). So if a meteor strike didn't extinct the Russians, why would it cause dinosaurs to become extinct?

But then where did they go?

Macky came up to me the other day and said: "Dad, I know what happen to the dinosaurs. Someone stole them."

William of Ockham,  an English Franciscan friar and scholastic philosopher, stated in the 14th century that among competing hypotheses, the one that makes the fewest assumptions should be selected. In other words: keep it simple. I think Sherlock Holmes also said something along these lines as well. Macky's "hypotheses" is much simpler than the meteor theory, makes fewer assumptions, follows a more reasonable line of logic, and can be easily understood - even by a nine year old child (or small dog).

And it makes sense if you don't over think it. Consider: you get up in the morning, walk outside and your cars is missing. What happened to it? Meteor impact? Environmental and/or climatic changes? Passing comet? Disease? No, someone stole it! And that's what Macky thinks happen to the dinosaurs.

And the next question (logically) is who? Humans (homo sapiens) have only been around less than a million years. Hominids, our ape-like ancestors/relatives, have only been around about 2 1/2 million years. Dinosaurs disappeared 66 million years ago. So it wasn't us (or our relatives). 

But if it wasn't us, who was it?

"So then, who stole them?" I asked Macky

"Aliens!" he told me.

I should point out now that in addition to dinosaurs, Macky is also fascinated with science fiction, especially Star Trek.

"Aliens?" I asked.

"Yeah, Dad. Aliens. They came in their starships and took them!"

The following is speculation based on information provided to me by Macky Rae, based on his Dinosaur/Alien hypothesis:

66 million years ago (give or take a few days) an alien civilization who had developed space travel and were busy exploring the galaxy came to our solar system, found our planet, and discovered it was full of big-ass lizards.
No doubt the aliens were fascinated by them (but who can blame them?) A few were probably tranquilized and loaded into giant interstellar transports, not unlike the way King Kong was transported from Skull Island to New York. 

So the specimens are eventually placed in a zoo on the homeworld, where thousands (millions) of aliens come to see them. The aliens become fascinated with them (but who can blame them?) Many of them want one of there own, which is understandable.

 I, myself, wouldn't mind a T-Rex chained up in my front yard. It would be a great way to discourage salesmen, bill collectors, and Jehovah Witnesses. Macky Rae wants a triceratops.

So eventually a whole new industry would develop on the homeword: Dino-pets! Soon the demand would increase as aliens, jealous of their neighbors pet, would want them as well. Soon demand would threaten the dinosaur population on Earth. Protective measures would be implemented, perhaps the Earth would be declared a protective game reserve. But pirates would continue to defy the blockade, and soon the "exotic pet" trade would cause the dinosaur population on Earth to disappear.

Not extinct, but poached!

This, of course, would leave a large opening in the ecosystem, which would allow a new, emerging class of vertebrates called mammals to expand and later dominate the planet, eventually resulting in the rise of man (and his best friend, the dog).

Macky Rae believes that when we eventually develop space travel ourselves, and finally meet aliens, we will be able to see the dinosaurs again - in the Galactic Zoological Garden on the alien homeworld. Unless those aliens are extinct. It has been 66 million years (give or take a few days).

Where are the Aliens?

On a clear night, my dogs and I like to go outside and look at the stars. Especially during the colder month. Not that we like to go outside and freeze our tails. Au contraire, but it is in the colder month that or favorite constellation, Orion the Hunter, can be seen.

Orion is the most readily recognized constellation, perhaps the most well know, and in the opinion of my youngest dog, Macky Rae, it is the awesomest of the constellations. If you have never seen it, go check it out. And I don't mean look it up on Wikipedia, actually go outside and look. But wait until it gets dark - it works better that way.

Macky Rae loves the story of Orion (that you can look up on  Wikipedia, and he never gets tired of hearing it (although I get tired of telling it, sometimes).

Being a dog, Macky Rae is fond of the fact that Orion is a dog owner. If you look left of Orion, there are two bright stars, Sirius and Procyon, which are also know as "the dog stars" - although Macky (being only 2 years old, as well as being a dog), having  problems pronouncing Sirius and Procyon, calls them "Big Dan" and "Little Anne" (something from one of my girlfriend's movies that he watched).

The other evening, while out stargazing, Macky Rae looked up at me and asked "Hey Dad, are there really Aliens in space?

"I don't know" I replied. "But I hope so."

"Me too," he responded "otherwise space is going to be very boring."

Macky Rae enjoys science, and is a big fan of Star Trek, and Science Fiction in General. He is also fond of Dog Movies, "1950s Era Black and White Giant Insect Films," and (thanks to Aunt Amy) Zombie Flicks. And what Macky Rae wants to know (as do many of us) is this: is there anybody out there?

Are there really aliens?

 

Scientist have looked and listen for evidence of intelligent life in space, and so far they have come up with nothing. Actually, that's not completely true. There is evidence of intelligent life on a planet found orbiting a class G2 star. Known as "The Earth," scientists and philosophers debate as to whether the dominant life form there is actually intelligent (or even dominant).

It is probable that there are other planets out there, and that they could (under the right conditions) support life. And if they could support life, life could evolve into intelligent life. We can only guess as to how often this occurs in the Galaxy, but we do know for certain that it has occurred at least once (on our planet).

We do now know that there are planets around other stars. A total of 861 such planets (in 677 planetary systems, including 128 multiple planetary systems) have been identified as of March 1, 2013. The Kepler mission has detected over 18,000 additional candidates, including potentially 262 habitable ones. In the Milky Way galaxy, it is expected that there are many billions of planets (at least one planet, on average, orbiting around each star, resulting in 100–400 billion exoplanets).

The way they detect extrasolar planets is complex, but simplified what they do is detect and measure variations in the motion and position of the star, and based on the wobble they can determine if the star has a planet (or planets). At first, they could only detect large (Jupiter sized) planets,, but as technology improved, smaller earth sized planets could be detected. Wow. They can even determine where the planet orbits, and if it is at the right distance from the star to be in the "Cinderella zone," the region around a star within which it is theoretically possible for a planet with sufficient atmospheric pressure to maintain liquid water on its surface. To close and the water boils, too far and it freezes solid. Life can only exist between these two limits: not too hot, not too cold, just right.

But a question I have is this: if we can find planets billions and billions of miles away, why did it take so long to find Osama Bin Laden? If NASA had turned the Hubble telescope around, we would have had that sumbitch before the twin towers stopped smoking.

The are estimated to be as many as 400,000,000,000 planets in the Milky Way Galaxy. It's a big number, until you you compare it to the national debt. If only 1 in 100 had a planet that could support life, we are left with 4,000,000,000. If 1 in 100 had life, we have 40,000,000. And if only 1 in 100 had intelligent life, we have 400,000 alien races which could build a culture that could venture out into space.

So, where are the aliens?

 

Star Trek, and Science Fiction in general, promised us aliens. OK, not exactly promised, but implied that we would be meeting aliens soon. So far, I have not met so much as one alien. In our calculations (above) we arrived at 400,000 aliens. Where are they? and why have they not contacted us?

 

It is possible that we are the first to venture off our planet of birth and venture out into space. After all, someone has to be first, but the odds are against it (400,000 to 1).

 

Erich von Däniken, author of Chariots of the Gods (and other books) believes that the aliens have already been here, and left - and that it was ancient astronauts that influenced our ancient mythology. And it was the they, not humans, who built such monumental feats as the Great Pyramids. His "proof," however, was flimsy and (in some cases) fraudulent. So his theory is discarded, and we resubmit the theory that ancient Egyptians built the pyramids.

Some believe that aliens are here, and that the government is hiding them. Considering what gets leaked to the press, I doubt that the government could hide something as big as aliens.

Or perhaps they are here hiding from us. Or hiding in plain site. There are some parts of the larger cities where an alien could easily go unnoticed amongst the "freaky people" (or perhaps the "freaky people" are the aliens).

So, where are the aliens?

I have a theory:
Any alien species that could cross the vast distances between stars would have to be more advanced than our own. Consider the technological differences between now and 1913. And that was a difference of only 100 years. Aliens would be hundreds, thousands, maybe tens of thousands of years more advanced than us.

Such a race that could travel the vast distances between the stars would not have to land on the Earth, or even contact us. All they would need to do is tap into one of our communication satellites and download the Internet. All of it, and in less than a minute! Being hundreds, thousands, or tens of thousands of years more advanced than us, their computers are also more advanced.

After downloading the Internet, they would use their super computer to analyze the Internet. This will take them about a day, unless they return to their homeworld and use their super duper computer,  in which case the analysis will only require two hours. Either way homo sapiens (humans) would be assessed - based entirely on our web pages!

This is what bothers me. Consider the Internet, and just how much porn sites there are available. Not just good porn, but bad porn, and icky porn, and worse. The aliens will see this and decide we are a planet of deviants.

This may already have occurred!

Somewhere, just beyond the orbit of Pluto, they may have left a warning beacon, transmitting to other aliens who may approach our solar system:  Attention! In accordance with Megan's Law, be advises that the inhabitants of the third planet have been classified as sexual deviants.

If  we ever discover interstellar travel and meet aliens, we won't be allowed near their children.